


It's my mistake to make

by Jossasund



Series: My collection of Craquaria fics [3]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Broken Families, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-06-14 03:14:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15379440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jossasund/pseuds/Jossasund
Summary: Aquaria had never really paid attention to what the teachers said during class, but she had always aced every test. She was a top student and her friends envied her abilities. She was one of the absolute popular girls at school as well, but was still humble and didn't have a bitchy attitude like many other students had. That reason alone was probably why people liked her so much.But one day her whole world turned upside down.The reason?Her new teacher Ms. Brianna.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Craquaria fic I have actually dared to show other people than my friends and English isn't my first language so don't be to hard on me. I just write this for fun but if you like it, please give me some love :)

Aquaria had never really paid attention to what the teachers said during class, but she had always aced every test. She was a top student and her friends envied her abilities. She was one of the absolute popular girls at school as well, but was still humble and didn't have a bitchy attitude like many other students had. That reason alone was probably why people liked her so much.

_But one day her whole world turned upside down._

It was during their English class that one of Aquarias best friends, named Blair, noticed that the blonde girls attention wasn't focused outside the window, as it usually was. No. This time Aquarias eyes were focused on the new teacher, Ms Brianna.

Blair smirked at the sight, but didn't really blame Aquaria for checking out their new teacher though, because she was truly beautiful. Even Blair thought so, despite that she wasn't gay as Aquaria.

Ms Brianna had to be in her mid thirties. She was wearing a pink dress that showed off her curves perfectly. Her hair was blonde and curly and her beaming smile alone could lit up the room.

Blair made a mental note to talk to Aquaria about this after class, but as for now, she watched with amusement how her otherwise stone cold friend seemed to have trouble to control herself.

******

“So Aqua, what on earth was all _that_ about before, hm? “ Blair asked with a mischievous smile on her lips. Aquaria just gave her a confused look before she took a big bite of her sandwich.

She had absolutely no damn idea what Blair was actually talking about, but then again, she hardly never did. Aquaria loved her best friend to death, but she was a bit… _different_ and compared to her, Aquaria felt almost, well, normal in a way. Blair could bring up random things that they had talked about months ago, just like that, so it was hard to keep up with her sometimes. So hanging out with her was never dull and boring, that was for sure.

“And yet again, I don't have a fucking clue what you're talking about, girl” Aquaria chuckled.

“You were totally checking Ms Brianna out earlier, weren't you? “ Blair quickly shot back, leaving Aquaria not only speechless but also breathless. She hadn't expected such a quick reply and her mind went completely blank.

She opened her mouth but quickly closed it as she told herself to not give Blair a answer that she craved. instead aquaria closed her eyes and imagined the beautiful teacher in front of her.

_Aquaria was sitting by the table in the classroom again, and they were completely alone, and you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. Ms Brianna was leaning over the table Aquaria was sitting by. She was smirking at her, licking her lips. Aquaria licked her lips as well, and swallowed hard as Brianna leaned closer to her, putting her hands over hers. The cleavage on her dress was low cut and Aquaria just wanted to press her lips to that naked skin. Their eyes met and…_

Suddenly Aquaria snapped her eyes open, as she felt how she got drenched in water.

“What the actual fuck! “ she snapped, not really sure about what made her most angry. Getting water thrown at her or having her daydream interrupted.

“You kinda disappeared into your own world there for a minute Aqua. and it kinda looked like you needed a cool down” Blair said with a shrug, and Aquaria huffed, then stood to her feet. She was way too angry to stay here and she knew she desperately needed to check her makeup.

Rounding the first corner, Aquaria was already lost in her own mind again, not really paying attention to where she was actually going.. Not until she actually walked straight into someone and shortly after, she heard a laugh that made her knees weak.

“Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there”

And there she was. Beautiful Ms Brianna.

Aquarias throat became dry in an instant and she also lost her ability to speak. It wasn't like she was a good speaker to begin with, but this had to be the worst situation she'd ever experienced. She couldn't even form the simplest of words and it caused her body to shut down completely and it grew to a full blown panic attack.

“Sweetie, you're as pale as a ghost. Let me help you”

*****

The next time Aquaria opened her eyes, she quickly realized she wasn't in the bathroom as she had intended to be, or in the corridor and she wasn't at home either. So where the fuck was she?

She sat up, and looked around to see if she recognized her surroundings, but she didn't. She could only assume that she was still at school, because this had to someone's office. Right? The wall paint looked somewhat familiar at least.

But who the hell would bring her into their office?! That didn't make any damn sense!

“Oh you're finally awake“ a voice suddenly said and Aquarias head snapped into the direction of the voice. _Ms Brianna._

The sight made Aquaria smile like a goofy teenage girl.

“Ehm.. I… Eh… hi… Why.. Why am I here?“

Aquaria knew she stumbled and fumbled like an idiot with her words right now, but she was at least able to speak, which was a whole lot better than earlier. _Good God, get a grip girl.._

“you passed out before, sweetie so I brought you in here, so I could keep an eye on you.” Brianna explained and Aquaria couldn't help but admire how beautiful she was, simply standing there in the doorway. It was mesmerizing.

Aquarias felt embarrassed, but also intrigued. Why did this woman care so much for her to begin with, a random student she'd just met?

“Ehm, thanks.. I ehm.. I guess I should go then” Aquaria mumbled but as soon as she stood to her feet, she fell straight backwards again. She groaned, because she should know by now her body behaved after a panic attack.

She became dizzy, light headed, nauseous and always had to call her mom to get picked up, but that wasn't a option at the moment. Her mom was away for a whole month now for some work stuff, so Aquaria had to take care of herself. Then again.. That was something she should be used to as well.

“Do you want me to call your mother, Aquaria? “ Brianna asked as she sat down next to her and gently stroke her arm, in an a effort to sooth her. The young girl felt her heart in her throat and it felt the room closed in on her. How could a woman she just met make her body react like this?!

It wasn't like Aquaria hadn't felt attracted to someone before, because God knew she had, but she had _never_ felt like this before. So that alone scared the Shit out of her. She had never had a girlfriend, only one night stands. Intimacy was unknown territory to Aquaria and she would never let someone control her. She was always the one in charge.

Not now though. Now it was the complete opposite and the situation was already weird as it was... Aquaria just wished she could run away, like she always did when life became to hard for her to handle but she was frozen to the couch since her body didn't cooperate.

“well.. You can't because…, mom's away for some work stuff.. So“ Aquaria finally managed to reply, and reductanly met Briannas kind eyes. Her heart started to beat like crazy once again and her mouth became dry. _What is going on with me? She's not even doing anything to me... yet my body behaves likes she's naked or something…_

“Do you have any other relatives I could call then, sweetie? A father perhaps? “ the question was asked with nothing but kindness and the young girl knew it. It didn't matter though because it still rubbed Aquaria the wrong way. So she pulled back, even if she quickly missed the warm touch from Brianna.

Aquaria pulled up her legs to her chin, and curled into a ball, as the thought about the asshole she once had called her father, entered Aquarias mind.

She didn't remember how he looked anymore but she didn't care. He didn't even deserve to be a thought in her damn head to be begin with. But even if the young girl didn't remember how his face looked anymore, she still remembered things about him… things she wished she would forget.. 

For example, she still remembered his abuse and his alcohol drenched breathe. Aquaria had always struggled with low self esteem and anxiety, and that asshole had only made matters worse. He had tried to beat some sense into her, and it had begun already when she had been a small kid.

“Sweetheart, did I say something wrong? If so, I'm terribly sorry “ Brianna said carefully, and her voice brought Aquaria back to the present. She shrugged at her when noticed the small sadness stinging in Briannas voice. And it made Aquaria feel terrible.

“No, I.. I only have my mom is all. “ Aquaria replied with a shaking voice, then added “My dad isn't in the picture anymore.. “

“I see.. “ the older woman replied, with a timid and careful smile. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't snoop but is there any special reason to why your father's not around anymore? “

Had it been anyone else asking that particular question, Aquaria would have snapped and completely lost her damn mind, but not now.

“My mom… She.. Ehm.. She… She kicked him out because he was well.. Abusive”

As soon as the words had left the tip of her tongue, Brianna pulled the young girl into a tight hug. Aquaria usually didn't like psychological contact like this but once again, she felt relaxed with this woman.. It almost felt like home in some fucked way? She didn't know how to put words on how her body reacted to Brianna. There was something with her that Aquaria couldn't put her finger on...

_Please… never let me go.._ The young girl thought to herself as a feeling of calmness washed over her. Otherwise it was only Xanax that made her relax like this.

****

Later that night, Aquaria was sitting outside on her balcony with music blasting on max volume from inside of the house. She lip synced to the song and imagined in her head all the different dance moves she would use to this particular song. She tapped her fingers against the balcony rail and felt the Rhythm swirl around in her whole body, even if she was way too tired to actually dance right now..

Her brain was mush, because of the stupid pills she'd been forced to take earlier to keep her nerves under control. Sure, they were supposed to relax her and they sure did their job, but they also left her feeling like a zombie, even days after she'd taken them.

Aquaria let out a sigh, before she pulled up her phone from her pocket. She hadn't even called her mother like she always did today, and seeing all the unread messages only made her annoyed.

Everyone from school was of course curious about where she'd disappeared after lunch, but mostly, they were curious about her so called _fling_ with Ms Brianna. Of course Blair hadn't been able to keep her stupid mouth shut, but then again, why was she even surprised? Blair _never_ managed to.

Aquaria didn't reply to any of her messages tough. She only glanced at them, telling herself she could save her energy for the integration tomorrow instead. She quickly  went through her Instagram feed, before she decided to check her Facebook when she wondered if Ms Brianna had a Facebook account.

_Bingo_ Aquaria smirked to herself when she actually found Brianna on there. She clicked on her profile picture and she couldn't help but download it to her phone. Aquaria made sure it was saved to one her private albums tough. It wouldn't be to her advantage if one of her friends found that picture on there so. Or her mother for that matter! _Girl you're smart.. At least once in a while_ she thought to herself.

Brianna looked unclockable in every picture and her smile was out of this world. and her eyes! My God.. Her eyes had to be the most beautiful Aquaria had ever seen.

But something just didn't add up though. Why didn't Brianna have a family? There had to be some kind of explanation for that and Aquaria knew exactly who she could call.

“Girl! You're alive! “ Monet said, probably with a smirk painted on her face.

“Yep, I'm alive and I desperately need your stalker skills before I go crazy so, wanna help a girl out? “ Aquaria asked, then lit a cigarette. She wasn't a regular smoker but she took one once in a while to ease her nerves.

“You're smoking Aqua. Am I making you _that_ nervous hm? “ Monet chuckled. “Really, queen? “

“ugh, don't make fun off me, okay? I don't have the energy to bite back so can you just leave the bickering to tomorrow and just help me out? “

Monet laughed.

“yeah yeah. calm down sis… you know I'm only messing with you“

“yeah yeah” Aquaria sighed. “I desperately need to know the background story of a certain blonde teacher… and I don't think I have to tell you who it is, now do l?”

“huh.. here I thought Blair was just speaking Shit as always… but I guess she actually spoke the truth this time around. Who would have thought that?” Monet said, more to herself than to Aquaria as she began to tap the computers keyboard.

An awkward silence surrounded them for a couple of minutes and it almost drove Aquaria insane. So when Monet finally spoke up, she let out a big breath of relief.

“Brianna comes from a deeply religious family. A Jewish one to be exact.. Anyway, she was shun from her family when she came out at the age of 15, and have taken care of herself ever since. She's had some girlfriends over the years but nothing long term.” Monet said and Aquaria smiled when she heard Brianna was into women, but her heart broke when she heard she had been thrown out because of it. She was broken, just like Aquaria was. Maybe the was the reason she felt so connected with her?

“Thanks sis. I would be lost without you”

“You're welcome, and I won't bombard you with questions because I'll leave that to Asia and Kameron tomorrow, but I have to ask you this though… what on earth can be so special with this woman? I mean… she's almost old enough to be your mom! And well, I dork want to be the one but.. She's your teacher Aqua.… “

Aquaria sighed and lit yet another cigarette. She didn't even know what to reply, because her mind went blank. She knew she was on thin ice already but she couldn't help herself.

“Sorry to let you down but.. I don't have a answer to that question Monet “

“It's okay. But you better come up with some bulletproof answers for school tomorrow or else the girls are gonna eat you alive. And don't make any stupid mistakes.. “

“well, if I do, it's my mistake to make, isn't it? “

 


	2. Goddammit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the response guys! It really means the world to me and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. And as I said in the last one, I don't have a beta and English isn't my first language so sorry in advance for my grammar.

Brianna tossed and turned, just as she always did when it was time to sleep. It had been like this for as long as she could remember, and even if she had learned to live with it, it still managed to drive her absolutely crazy. It was quite ironic though, that she laid there, unable to sleep, while her whole bathroom cupboard was packed with all kind of different sleeping pills… pills that had never worked.

The only thing that actually knocked her out and helped her sleep, was if Brianna got drunk. That wasn't a option tough, since she tried to avoid alcohol as much as she could. She had a bad past with it so to speak… 

Brianna felt the anxiety crawl under her skin and she hated that she didn't have  _ anyone  _ to speak with… she missed having friends, and wondered if someone around here would even want her as a friend? It was a small town after all and she didn't look like everybody else… she never had.

_ Maybe her choice of clothing would make people take a step back and think she was a slut? _

Or..

_ Maybe they would find her absolutely disgusting when they found out that Brianna was gay? It wouldn't be the first time that happened though… _

_ God _ .. Her mind spun like crazy when she tried to reason with herself, telling herself that she never stayed at the same place for long, so there wasn't really a point of getting friends.

As Brianna laid on her back, just staring up into the ceiling, she started to go over her day and it was then, a young, blonde girl came to mind. A student of hers that she really  _ shouldn't _ allow herself to think about to begin with. Not in this way at least.. But Brianna couldn't help herself, as she pictured her in front of her.

_ Aquaria. _

Her name alone made Brianna's heart skip a beat..

_ Aquaria _ .

She had taught so many students over the years but nobody had ever caught her attention like Aquaria had. She didn't know if it was a good thing though... It probably wasn't..

She thought about Aquarias petite body, her flawless skin, her smile and…. _ God damnit _ . Everything with the young girl was absolutely perfect! How was that even possible?

Brianna felt flustered, and a feeling of lust and desire shot through her whole body, almost like lightning. It made her snap her eyes open… this wasn't good. Not good at all! She suddenly felt pathetic, laying here and fantasizing about such a young and innocent girl like this… her own student..

These thoughts she had were  _ dangerous _ .

But as Brianna tried to distract herself with something else,  _ anything, _ while reminding herself that Aquaria was completely off limits, Brianna quickly realized that it only made matters worse. Because the more she told herself that Aquaria was forbidden fruit, the more she wanted her…

_ Goddammit _ … Brianna thought to herself as her body felt like it was on fire, while she thought about those plump lips of Aquarias and wondered how her young body looked underneath those tight clothes she'd worn to class today.

She shook her head and wondered how Aquaria had managed to make such a deep impact on her after only one day.. It left her baffled… And she couldn't stop thinking about her.. It broke Briannas heart though, because she hadn't felt any emotions for so many years.. Not for anyone.

_ Brianna simply didn't do feelings... _

It had been like this since her last failed relationship, which had ended years ago... After that, she had almost pulled a switch inside of herself and turned off her ability go feel something..Leaving her feeling well.  _ Numb _ .

And Brianna had promised herself to never  _ ever _ get involved with anyone again. And it had worked. It had worked absolutely fucking fine… well.. at least until today. Until Aquaria had turned her whole damn world upside down..

Brianna sighed. What the hell should she do about this damn mess? Maybe she should just take the easy way out and run? Just move and never look back? Yeah, maybe she should… it was probably for the best

but then reality hit her. She didn't actually want to move. And she had grown tired of running. Besides. She had looked forward to this teaching position and she absolutely loved this house she lived in for the moment.  _ Goddammit _ ..

So, Brianna couldn't run. She just had to find another solution, whatever that now could be. And she was an adult, so she should at least manage to get it into her thick skull, that her thoughts were wrong.  _ Sick.  _ Yes, they were sick.  _ Brianna was sick. _ Maybe her father had been right after all?

Besides, Brianna knew she could ruin Aquarias life if she let anything happen between them… She didn't care so much about her own pathetic life though, but Aquaria at least had a shot and a bright future in front of her.

All this thinking gave Brianna a migraine so she sat up in her bed and drank the water bottle that stood on her nightstand. Suddenly her mind took a dark turn as she began to think about the family she once had, but lost, simply because of who she was. She didn't even know if her parents were still alive, but that didn't really matter.

_ You're sick! Get out of my house! Right now! _

Her father's words still clung fresh to her memory, and it felt like it had all happened yesterday.

_ I can't even look at you! So get the hell out I said to you! RIGHT NOW! _

Brianna still remembered all those tears she had shed that night, because she had never cried that much in her whole life... and she still remembered how she had begged her father, on her bare knees, to forgive her, to just accept her for who she was. But he didn't. He ignored her words, and instead gave her a slap across her face and continued to scream at her.

_ As I see it, I don't even have a daughter anymore! _

Brianna had just turned 15 when she had been thrown out to the streets, to fend for herself. With just a worn out bag on her back and a small amount of money in her pocket.

And the reason?

She had been seen kissing another girl.

*******

When the alarm went off the next morning, Brianna felt more like a zombie than a actual human being. She had hardly slept the previous night, but she rose from her bed anyway.

And Brianna was used to running on empty as she stood in front of her mirror and began to apply her makeup, carefully making sure to hide the enormous bags under her eyes. It didn't take long for her to paint her face though, even if she was dead tired, because she was used to this.

She thought of herself as quite the actor, as she pulled on a blue tight dress and curled her hair before finally meeting her reflection in the mirror and admired her appearance. She looked absolutely beautiful and stunning for her age.

Looking at herself, she straightened her dress and wondered if someone would ever understand that behind that perfect facade that was Brianna, was still that lost and scared 15 year old girl that didn't want anything but  _ love. _

Brianna laughed at herself. Who was she kidding? She would never allow anyone that close again… or would she, she thought to herself when Aquaria crossed her mind.

She would never hurt her or break her heart,that Brianna was sure of. Because Aquaria knew what pain was, since she seemed to struggle with her own demons. So she  would at least understand Briannas pain.

Another alarm suddenly went off, telling Brianna it was time to stop feeling sorry for herself and leave for work. But before she locked her house, she pushed away all her thoughts.

Especially those about Aquaria.

******

Arriving at school, Aquaria hardly even had the chance to sit down by her friends table, before the questions began to rain down on her.

“finally! Girl! What the hell happened yesterday? The suspense is killing me girl, so spill!“ Kameron said with a mischievous smile. She was the loudest in the group, so of course she was the first one Aquaria heard.

“I'm sorry to disappoint you girls, but nothing happened between me and.. the..ehm...  _ Her _ ” Aquaria replied with a shrug. She wished something had though. But some things were better left unsaid.

“Nothing?” Asia groaned, sounding almost disappointed. “Not even a little kiss? “

“Nope.. As I just said... Nothing.”

“but you wished something had happened though, right, girl? “ Blair asked and the group cheered her on. Aquaria rolled her eyes, trying to find an answer, even if she deep down wished she could just disappear through the damn ground.. when she suddenly heard heels click against the floor.

Aquaria turned around and felt her mouth water at the sight of her teacher, that looked even more gorgeous today than she had done yesterday. How now that was even possible.

The group quickly scattered, so Blair and Aquaria jumped off the table and walked up to the nearby classroom. Brianna came up to the door at the same time, pulling up her key from her purse to unlock the door.

“Good morning. “ Brianna said casually to Blair before her eyes went to Aquarias and they shared a small smile. It was maybe nothing special, but to Aquaria it was.

It was  _ everything. _

****

When the class was finally over, Brianna felt a desperate need to talk with Aquaria alone. She knew it was a terrible idea though, to actually be alone with a girl she found so incredibly attractive... Brianna just had to make sure to keep her hands to herself.. Even if she knew deep down, that was probably easier said than done.  _ Goddammit. _

“Aquaria? “ Brianna said, and the young girl almost stumbled over her own legs, by hearing her name so suddenly and unexpected.

“Eh.. Yes Ms? “

“can I speak with you? In private? “ Aquaria frowned. She was probably going crazy, but she was almost sure she heard desperation in Briannas voice.

The young girl leaned over the desk that Brianna was sitting by at the moment and probably didn't do it on purpose, but she put her hands on top of Briannas. The touch sent shivers down her spine, but the teacher quickly pulled back, clearing her throat. Goddammit.  _ You're on thin ice already B.. You don't have to make it worse on yourself. _

It took a few seconds before Aquaria realized that she had placed her hands over Brianna, leaving her to feel like a complete idiot. A complete fucking idiot who was obviously crushing on her teacher.

“Ehm, oh? “ Aquaria only managed to say, since she didn't seem to be able to function properly when Brianna was present. It was driving her crazy and the only thing that Aquaria wanted to do right now, was to press her lips against Briannas.

_ Just to get it over with it _ , Aquaria told herself, desperately trying to convince herself that she wasn't actually falling in love with Brianna.. That would be so fucking weird, to begin with. And not only weird but also dangerous. And wrong!  _ Don't forget about wrong. _

Over and over again, she tried to tell herself that this wasn't a crush. Nope. It couldn't be. Aquaria was just sexually attracted to her teacher. Nothing more.  _ That was it. _ Besides, Brianna was a sexy woman, right? Nobody could deny that. But sadly, Aquaria didn't even buy her own lie since she knew that this was so much deeper than just psychological attraction..  _ Fuck. _

“it will only take a second” Brianna replied and her voice made Aquaria snap back to reality.

“ehm… Sure… Well.. Ehm.. of course Ms Brianna” Aquaria stuttered and sat down in front of the desk, with her heart in her damn throat.

“take your time, girl..” Blair whispered to Aquaria, before she left the classroom. Brianna managed to hear every word though and she couldn't help but wonder what  _ that _ actually meant.

Did Aquaria feel something for her as well?  _ No. Yes? Goddammit. It still didn't change anything  _ Brianna told herself as her eyes met Aquarias.  _ Oh but it would. It would change everything. Fuck. _

“So, what's ehm.. Up? “ Aquaria asked, trying to lighten up the mood, even if she heard exactly how stupid and awkward she sounded as the words left the tip of her tongue. And it didn't help a bit that the room felt crazy tense either. It was almost like something had happened between them, even if nothing actually had.

“I just wanted to make sure that you're okay, I mean, considering what happened yesterday? “ Brianna said and Aquaria quickly noticed how nervous she sounded, which left her confused. What the actual fuck was going on?

_ This _ wasn't the same Brianna that she had met yesterday, that had been so well put together and calm. This was somebody else. An actual human being that was obviously hurting for some reason.

Aquaria knew she was probably the only one that actually saw it, because she always saw past the surface. It was one of Aquarias hidden talents, to be able to see past people's bullshit, and suddenly the wierd tension in the room made at least some sense.

Brianna maybe was a nervous wreck just as Aquaria was? Maybe when worse? Her mind began to spin as she tried to process her thoughts. Maybe Brianna just put on an act to the world, to hide who she actually was and  _ what she really felt.  _ But why? _ Aquaria knew she had to know.  _ She just had to play the  _ game _ carefully.

“I'm okay.. Just tired” She replied and Brianna simply nodded, so aquaria decided to push on, as she added, “how about you, are you okay Ms Brianna? “

The question took the older woman completely off guard, making her panic. She knew she had to tell Aquaria to leave, and that fast, so she stood to her feet. She was about to show Aquaria the door, but she put down her arm as quickly as she raised it.

_ Ugh. Fuck playing the game carefully  _ Aquaria told herself as she walked up to the teacher and pushed her up against the wall, then looked straight into her eyes.

_ And there it is was.  _

Briannas whole face screamed of lust, passion and desire mixed with fear and Aquaria knew she should just leave, but she couldn't. And she didn't really want to if she should be honest. Besides, she was already in to deep.

Aquaria didn't have a chance to make the next move though, before she was spun around, pushed up against the wall and attacked by Briannas hungry lips.

_ Oh my god.. _

The kiss was desperate, painful, but also fucking amazing. Aquaria was totally blown away because nobody had ever kissed her like  _ this _ ... And as their lips parted, both were gasping for air and wondering the same damn thing:

_ What the hell just happened? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and if you liked it, don't forget to leave some love!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support guys! Hope you will like this chapter as well and once again, I don't have a beta so please be nice! Happy reading!

Aquaria skipped the rest of the school day, and just sent Blair a text telling her she wasn't feeling okay. She knew her friends didn't buy her bullshit lie tough, but she didn't care at the moment. She didn't care a fucking bit, as she threw herself on the bed and thought about the kiss that she and Brianna had shared only hours ago.

She could still taste her, as she brought her fingers to her lips. But reality quickly hit Aquaria as she realized that even if the kiss had been absolutely fucking amazing, it would probably never happen again.  _ It couldn't happen again..  _ But God… Aquaria had never wished for anything more in her damn life before.

A sigh escaped her lips, as she sat up in her bed, because now she knew it. Facts were facts. She wasn't just attracted to Brianna. She was crushing on her, and it was bad. Really really bad.

_ Fuck.. _

She unlocked her phone to look at the picture she'd saved of Brianna and her heart skipped a beat as she looked at it.  _ God _ . Her smile was mesmerizing and so fucking beautiful.. And her eyes… and her body. She just wanted to taste every inch of it. But would she ever be able to? Probably not…  _ fuck. _

Aquaria closed the picture quickly, then sent Monet a text. She desperately needed to talk to someone about this and she knew that Monet was the only one she could really open up to.

******

Brianna hardly made it through the rest of the work day because her mind was elsewhere. She just couldn't bring herself to stop thinking about Aquaria and it drove her absolutely crazy, and she didn't make it easier on herself since she knew where the young girl lived.

She lived on the same damn street as Brianna did. Of course…

So when she finally came home, Brianna sat in her car for almost an hour, thinking about how much she just to wanted go over to Aquarias house and kiss her. She knew she shouldn't, she  _ really  _ shouldn't but she had never wanted anything more in her whole life. And her whole body screamed after the young girl, craving her soft and plump lips..  _ Goddammit. _

Brianna cursed under her breath, angry over that she'd lost control and kissed Aquaria earlier. She had never  _ ever _ lost control over herself like that before, but even if she was angry about it, she had never been more happy. Brianna had felt more alive after that small kiss than she had done in years, and it was amazing. It was utterly amazing to suddenly feel something again. But it also scared her.

Brianna knew she could never allow herself to do something like that ever again and that thought alone, broke her heart. She began to cry as she banged her head against the steering wheel.  _ Why couldn't her life be easy? Just for once? _

_ ****** _

Monet was on her way but since she lived in another part of town, it would take at least an hour before she arrived. So Aquaria just walked around in her house, restless and anxious, checking the clock every other second. It felt like everything went by in slow-motion right now, which made her feel aggravated.

Suddenly she heard a small tap on her door, and she simple froze. She knew it couldn't be Monet, even if she drove way over the speed limit but she couldn't drive  _ that  _ fast, now could she?

Another tap.

_ For fuck sake.. _

Aquaria groaned and just hoped to God it wasn't any of her other friends, because she wasn't in the mood to face them. Especially not now. She just wanted to ignore who ever it now was, but as the tapping became louder, she finally unlocked the door.

But to her surprise, it wasn't Blair standing there. It wasn't Asia and it wasn't Dusty or Monet. It was a person she had never expected to see on her doorstep.

“Brianna..? “ Aquaria said, biting her lower lip.

The older woman looked nervous and Aquaria was almost certain she'd been crying since her eyes were all red and puffy. But why? Why was she sad? And why was she even here to begin with?

“Can I come in? “ Brianna asked, almost whispered and her whole body seemed tense like a violin string. 

“Ehm.. Sure.. I guess “ Aquaria replied, nervous as hell and closed the door behind them, making sure to lock it. She didn't want Monet to walk in on them and make a already uncomfortable situation worse.

******

The two of them sat down in the living room, where the blinds were down and nobody would see them. It was a small town after all and Aquaria knew her neighbors were nosy as hell, so she didn't want to take any risks.

“So, I.. I actually don't know what to say… “ Brianna began, but her voice broke and left the sentence unfinished.

“I.. I actually don't want to speak with you to be honest… “ Aquaria replied, hoping her words wouldn't come out wrong. But they did. They always did.

“I knew coming here was a bad idea” Brianna said, then stood to her feet, but Aquaria quickly grabbed her arm to stop her, making confused eyes met anxious ones.

Aquaria froze, but knew she had to act fast, so she pressed her lips against Brianna, making them stumble backwards back to the couch.

****

That awkward kiss managed to change the whole atmosphere in the room in a matter of seconds, making it able to breathe. Briannas body became relaxed and she laid her arm around the younger girls shoulders, then pulled her as close as she could.

“sorry.. I.. I didn't mean to scare you earlier.. But… I have never been good with words… ehm” Aquaria shrugged and let out a small, nervous laugh.

“me neither.. “ Brianna replied, then pressed kissed to Aquarias knuckles.

It was then she noticed the small, faded scars on Aquarias right arm. Briannas heart broke by the sight of them, but she refused to let her sadness show. Instead she gently let her fingers brush against them, before she began to press kisses against every single scar.

Aquaria was unable to move and even if she  _ loved _ the feeling of Briannas lips against her skin, she felt felt dirty and ugly, because she hated when people saw her scars. And she hated herself for having them. 

So before the anxiety had the chance to sink its claws into her, she untangled herself from Briannas safe arms, and sunk down in the armchair instead. She needed  _ space. _

“I'm sorry.. I.. I just.. I'm sorry” Brianna mumbled and Aquaria just shrugged. She knew her intention had been good, so she couldn't be angry with the older woman… She just didn't know how to react and when life became to complicated, Aquaria always chose to flee.

“just.. Don't… “ Aquaria replied, her voice dripping with anxiety.

Brianna nodded and studied Aquaria in silence for a while, trying to understand all of her mixed messages. But she couldn't. She simply couldn't get a grip around the young girl and once again she realized that coming here was a bad idea.

“I just.. I don't like it when people touch my scars.. Or see them because.. Well. They make me feel.. Disgusting...” Aquaria said, while nervously tugging on her lower lip. She didn't understand how she managed to even tell Brianna this, let alone remain this calm.

“that's absurd! You're beautiful Aquaria. And absolutely nothing about you is ugly, okay? “ Briannas said, as she held out her hand for Aquaria to take.

The young girl hesitated at first, but finally took Briannas hand and sat down in the couch again.

Shortly after the whole incident, they began to kiss each other again. But this time around, the kisses became hungrier, and more aggressive, both craving the other ones touch.

“We really… Ehm.. Shouldn't Be doing this.. “ Aquaria said between kisses, even if she really didn't want Brianna to stop. And Brianna didn't stop. Instead she straddled the younger girls lap and cupped her chin in her hands, gently making their eyes met.

The moment left Aquaria breathless. It didn't last more than a few seconds though, but it didn't matter, because it was amazing anyway. Looking into Briannas eyes, made Aquaria feel like she didn't have any troubles in the whole world and everything but Brianna became unimportant.

_ I'm _ so fucked she thought to herself as their lips smashed together once again. She had  _ never _ felt like this in her whole life before but now when she had, she didn't want it to end.  _ Fuck.. _

“I assume you… don't… really…. Want me. To… stop” Brianna whispered before she began to place kisses along the young girls neck. Aquaria just shook her head since she was unable to answer at the moment.

Brianna just chuckled, and enjoyed the power she had right now. She absolutely loved being in control and it aroused her, especially when she saw how much Aquaria enjoyed it as well. It lit a fire inside of her. A fire she didn't even know existed.

“Take of your shirt” Brianna said, or more commanded but it didn't matter. She just did as she was told, and when her blouse and bra fell onto the floor, Brianna grinned at the sight of Aquarias body. Her skin was truly flawless and it almost glowed in the otherwise dim light that surrounded them.

Brianna suddenly felt an unusual desire to bite her. Simply to mark her territory but Brianna knew she had to slow herself down. Besides.  _ Aquarias wasn't ‘her’ territory, now was she? _

It didn't really matter tough, but Aquaria was still a fragile girl and the last thing Brianna wanted was to make her feel used. But if someone would see them, they would just say Brianna was doing just that, that she was using Aquaria and that it was wrong. Brianna was her teacher and this kind of relationship was mortally wrong. She knew that. But still, she couldn't stop herself. Aquaria was like a drug to her. Even her smell was intoxicating…

_ Goddammit.. _

Aquaria opened her eyes, when she noticed Brianna had stopped kissing her. She wondered what was wrong, as she saw how Brianna was just looking at her body, seemingly unsure what to do. She wondered why, but then she quickly noticed the anxiety in the back of Briannas eyes, so she placed her hands around her neck and placed a small and careful kiss on the older woman's lips.

The kiss was so much gentle than the other ones had been, but it was just what they both needed. They had both been caught up in the moment so now they finally let out a big breath of relief.

“Are.. Are you okay? “

“I've never been better” Brianna smiled and pressed another tender kiss to Aquarias lips.

“Me neither” Aquaria replied, and wished this moment would never end. Sadly though, just after that thought left her brain, she heard a loud knock on the door.

_ Fuck.  _

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Hope you're okay and will enjoy this chapter as you've done with the others. Once again, no beta and I hope you won't hate me to much for my grammar. Anyway, enjoy and thank for your time!

Aquaria groaned when she had to show Brianna the backdoor, but made sure to steal a kiss before she reductably let her go. She wondered when (and  _ if)  _ she would be able to taste those lips again when she ran to the bathroom to check her face, and thanked God it looked okay, before opening the door to Monet.

“Girl… “ she said, as she shook her head. “I saw her sneak out the backdoor…”

“who!? I mean.. Ehm.. I don't know what you're talking about” Aquaria huffed, turning her back nonchalantly to Monet and went to to grab her cigarettes. Her nerves were getting the best out of her right now, and her legs felt like spaghetti as the two friends headed out to the porch.

“Aqua.. You don't need to lie to me. I won't tell anyone, and I hope you know that, okay?“

Aquaria just shrugged, not sure if she should scream or cry right now. Maybe she should laugh, because this situation was right down pathetic.  _ And she was pathetic to say the least.  _ It left a sour taste in her own mouth..

“you invited me over to talk, didn't you? “ Monet said with a crooked smile.

“yeah well. Yeah.. “ aquaria mumbled as a feeling of frustration washed over her. Her tongue simple didn't obey and her mind was a even bigger mess than usual.  _ Fuck. _

“It's okay you know. I won't judge” monet said with a shrug. “so just talk to me Aqua“

“well.. Okay.. Ehm.. you know me.. So you know how I don't fall for someone, right? Like ever _?  _ “

“Well, duh! You're not called the queen of one night's stands for nothing, girl”

God how Aquaria hated that stupid nickname.but then again, it was sad but true... She slept with a different girl almost every night, and had done it for years. She had even fucked her fair share of guys too before she realized she was gay. She had always enjoyed sex, but had always been clear that she wasn't interested in anything else. To be honest, she had never even thought she would fall for someone.  _ Ever. _

Her friends always wondered why she didn't want a girlfriend though, since Aquaria was a sweet and warm person (if you looked past all the makeup and sexy clothing) , but Aquaria had her reasons. And the biggest one being that she simply didn't want to.

Or well, maybe she wanted, but she was honestly too fucking scared to let someone in  _ that _ close, because she didn't want anyone to see exactly how broken she truly was. So it was just easier this way, to keep to herself..

That was until Brianna showed up, because God… Aquaria wanted her. She  _ craved  _ her and she wasn't even that scared about showing her all of her imperfections.

But they couldn't be together… so Aquaria shook her head to clear her head of such thoughts. This was just a stupid fling and could never become anything else.  _ It's was forbidden. _

Suddenly her mother, Sharon came to mind, and it made Aquarias stomach churn. She maybe was the laid back type of mother, and trusted her teenage daughter with her life, but she always had to point out that Aquaria needed to grow up one day and stop sleeping around. Sharon just wanted the best for her daughter and wanted Aquaria to have a family of her own, and have all that other boring old fashioned stuff. Shit which Aquaria had never felt a need for.

She was maybe still young, but already to busy with planning what her life would be after school, and what she wanted to work with. It drained her of energy because she never slowed down, so the thought of getting involved with someone, well, it felt like nothing but a distraction to her.

Besides, Aquaria was pleased with just sleeping around. It was easy. It was something she knew how to handle. Sadly she also used sex as a way to hurt herself.  _ I'm so fucked up, so why would Brianna even want me? I'm just trash..  _ Aquaria thought to herself as she took a deep inhale of her cigarette.

Of course wasn't this something she talked about with  _ anyone _ , but Aquaria knew her mother had her suspicions and worried about her daughters life choices.

Sharon had been through hell herself growing up and Aquaria was the apple in her eye. It was them against the world, so even if she didn't want to interfere too much, she was always worried sick about her daughter. She absolutely hated those times when Aquaria came home drunk, with clothes ripped to shreds and smudged makeup, after attending some random party.

It just didn't add up, that Aquaria would allow herself to look like that, since appearance meant the world to Aquaria. But Sharon never said anything about it. She tried to explain it away with all kind of different excuses.

It was probably for the best that they pretended like it was nothing, because Aquaria knew her mother's heart would break if she knew about how many times Aquaria had been cornered, ridiculed, spat on, kicked and almost raped. She knew she had only herself to blame since she chose to dress like she did, but still… Just thinking about it made her eyes tear up.

“Girl, are you okay? “

Monets kind voice brought her back to the presence and their eyes met. Aquaria was truly happy that it was Monet she had by her side. She was so calm and kind. She didn't push. She never did. And Aquaria was relieved to say the least.

They were old childhood friends but didn't see each other that often nowadays since they lived in different parts of town and attended different schools, but when Aquaria needed someone, Monet would always be the first one she called.

“I'm just.. Ehm.. I think I'm actually falling for Brianna” she finally managed to say, and had it been Blair she'd been taking to, or anybody else for that Matter, Aquaria would have been screamed at, and asked if she was fucking crazy... But not now. Monet just nodded and pulled her into a tight hug.

“I know Aqua, and it's okay. I just needed to hear it from you “

*****

Brianna jumped into a cold shower as soon as she came home. She felt dirty and disgusting but despite her countless tries to get rid of that feeling, she didn't manage to get the feeling to wash off... So finally she gave up and wrapped her shaking body with a towel.

She had never been in a situation like this and it scared her…

One second she felt like she was in control and on top of the world,but then a second later she felt helpless and crushed.  _ This was a huge reason she didn't do feelings.  _ She always ended up…  _ hurt. _

And this whole thing with Aquaria was dangerous, because she was risking so much.. She knew it, and still she had let it happen.  _ Goddammit. _

Brianna had always respected rules and yet she had broken a huge one… she had begun a relationship with a student.. How stupid could she be?

And sure, she knew she could easily just blame her actions on the hard life she'd been forced to live, but she would never  _ ever  _ blame her past for her wrongdoings. She still had a free will of her own..

All this thinking left her feeling drained of energy and she sunk down on the floor, realizing what a lonely and pathetic life she actually living.. She didn't have  _ anyone  _ to reach out to… or well. maybe she had someone or more,  _ something _ …

_ Alcohol. _

Because God knew how Her bottles of liquor screamed her name, but that wasn't a chapter Brianna wanted to reopen. She had fought so damn hard to get out of that dark place and she knew she would fuck everything up, even if she just took a small sip…

But she felt desperate, so damn desperate, when she made her way to her cupboard where she had her precious bottles. She tugged on her lower lip while she let her fingers brush against one of the bottles as the anxiety crawled under her skin..  _ No b. You're stronger than this. Don't do it. _

*****

“Let's just.. Just… let's just go over there Aqua.. Just.. Go there. Yeah. Just go there!” Aquaria said to herself while she locked the door to her house and sneaked outside.

She had managed to figure out where Brianna lived and to her relief, it wasn't that far away from her own home, but it was in the middle of the night, so the possibility that Brianna was asleep was huge..  _ But fuck it, either she opens the door or not _ .

It wasn't a big house like the one she lived in herself, but it seemed cozy and nice, Aquaria thought to herself as she finally stood by the front door.

But just as she was about to knock, she hesitated, thinking that it would maybe be die the best if she just went home, but when she was about to turn around, she stumbled and grabbed the door handle to prevent herself from falling down.  _ Jackass. _

Seconds later the lock clicked open and revealed a half naked Brianna, and the sight made Aquaria gasp.  _ God she's so fucking gorgeous it's almost unreal.. _

“Aquaria? What…. What are you doing here?“ Brianna frowned and the young girl just shrugged, wondering if she was happy or not to see her.

“ehm… I.. I just couldn't sleep..” she replied with a shrug.  _ And I couldn't stop thinking about you  _ she wanted to say as well, but never did.

Brianna felt torn. One part of her told her to grab Aquarias hand and pull her into a deep kiss, then fuck her brains out, while the other part of her, told her to send her away, and end this before it went to far that it ruined them both. But deep down, she knew it was already too late to choose the easy way out and run, so she finally grabbed Aquarias hand and dragged her inside.

Well on the inside, and safely hidden away from the rest of the world, their lips smashed together. 

Brianna took the lead of course, pushing Aquaria up against the wall, but the younger girl knew she had the upper hand since Brianna was half naked. She took advantage of the situation as her hands found their way under the older women's tank top.

Her nails dug into Briannas skin, and a moan escaped from Briannas lips. It was a sound that was was like music to Aquarias ears, and gave her the courage she needed to take the lead over their dance, and even if Brianna seemed to have trouble to let anyone have control over her, she quickly surrendered her body to Aquaria.

****

The house was almost pitch black, but Aquaria easily noticed the couch in the small living room and grabbed Briannas hand and  lead them there.

She pushed Brianna backwards and straddled her lap, attacking her neck with aggressive kisses.

Aquaria had never felt like this before, and she was determined to not let this moment slip through her hands like the one had earlier.

And she had noticed the heastion in Briannas eyes before she had let her inside, and she knew could only mean  _ one  _ thing. She wanted to end this, to break this, whatever  _ this _ now was, up and that soon. So before that happened, Aquaria was determined to make sure to taste every damn inch of Briannas body.

Aquarias hands were clumsy and not as smooth as they always used to be, but she didn't care. She was way to caught up in the moment to actually care about anything other than the beautiful woman beneath her and to her relief, it didn't seem as Brianna cared either.

She was moaning and it just turned Aquaria on even more. Brianna was her pray while Aquaria was a hungry and vicious tiger.

“strip” Aquaria purred into Briannas ear, before she nibbled on her earlobe, which sent shivers down the older woman's spine.

Brianna raised her arms and Aquaria quickly pulled of the tanktop and smirked when she noticed that Brianna wasn't wearing a bra. She froze for a second, but in a good way, admiring her breasts, before she attacked them with both her lips, teeth and hands.

And God did Brianna taste good…

*****

“Aquaria.. Sweetie… Stop” Brianna suddenly said, which made the younger girl snap her eyes open. She had been totally lost in her own world, a slave to her own lust and desires, and hearing Briannas words, made her feel ashamed and worthless.  _ I went too far. _

“Sorry…. I.. Fuck.. “ Aquaria groaned, the confidence that had been running in her blood only seconds ago, was gone and once again, Aquaria was that loser who couldn't even speak...

“Sweetheart, look at me” Brianna said, with a careful tone in her voice. She was still holding Aquarias hands in hers, making sure the young girl didn't run off, because she knew the possibility of that happening was big.. Brianna searched for eye contact, while she felt the anxiety coming of off Aquaria in waves, and it had never been her intention to make her feel sad.

She hadn't really wanted this to stop, because wanted this as much as Aquaria, if not even more, but she didn't want their first time to be rushed like this.

_ Their first time…  _ Brianna thought to herself. She who had intended to end this moments ago, had apparently changed her mind… it really didn't matter right now tough. The only thing that mattered was to make Aquaria happy again.

“Sweetheart, please. Look at me”

The desperation in her voice made Aquaria meet her eyes and when she did, Brianna gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. The small kiss made Aquaria relax, even if she still looked a bit confused.

“I want you baby, believe me. I really do”

“You do…? “ Aquaria whispered, her eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over in any given second.

“I do “ Brianna replied with a reassuring smile. “I just want our first time together to be special, with lit candles everywhere so I can see you and not fumble in the dark like we're doing now, sweetheart. And besides, we shouldn't feel the need to hide from each other in my home”

The younger girl chuckled.

“I guess you're right… ehm… I guess I should leave then”

“No sweetie, you don't have to.. If you want, you can stay the night? “

She didn't get a answer tough but the kiss the young girl gave Brianna was more than enough. It told her this wasn't just attraction or experiment. 

No. 

_The kiss told her that Aquaria was falling for Brianna_

And well.

_ Brianna had already fallen for Aquaria. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thanks for the great response. This chapter took a darker turn and I kinda added something I didn't even think about at first. I hope you guys like it though!
> 
> Triggerwarnings for mentions of sexual abuse

Aquaria had never slept next to someone before, because it was to, well,  _ private  _ for her. Hell, she had never even let any of her one-night stands spend the night, which had upset a whole lot... But she didn't care about that. She did only care for sex, nothing else,so getting called a bitch and a cunt was something she had gotten used to.

Aa she thought about it, she realized Blair was the only one she'd actually slept next to, but that wasn't the same. She was just her friend. While Brianna was... Well, what was she actually to Aquaria? It wasn't like she was her girlfriend, right? Or was she?  _ Fuck.. Fuck my Stupid mind and fucking stop overthinking every damn thing! _

Brianna sensed the anxiety, as they entered the bedroom and wondered what was actually going on in Aquarias mind. Was this something that scared her? To spend the night? It couldn't be, now could it?

But if it was, why did it scare a girl with such a seemingly big sexual appetite, to just sleep next to her? Aquaria must have spend the night with all kind of girls, right? Right?

The last thought alone made Brianna tug nervously on her bottom lip. She didn't want to picture Aquaria with someone else. She didn't want her to be with anyone else but her.  _ Ugh.. stop thinking so much B. You're already in to deep. _

“Are you gonna sleep in that Sweetie? “ Brianna asked carefully when she met Aquarias eyes. She was still fully dressed while Brianna was just wearing her panties.

“Ehm, I.. I don't know “ Aquaria shrugged.

“I can loan you something if you want”

“No, I'll ehm. I'll be okay. Just.. Turn around Okay? “

“Okay” Brianna replied and placed a quick kiss on Aquarias lips, before she climbed down under the covers and did as she was told. She couldn't stop wondering why Aquaria didn't want her to see her body all of a sudden though.

Aquaria closed her eyes when she stood with her back turned against the bed. She didn't want anything else but this, to sleep with Briannas arms around her but she was unsure, scared and worried. Why and how could this scare her so much? How could sex feel easier, than sleeping next Brianna. It didn't make any sense. But this was a new and unknown situation for Aquaria..  And she didn't She felt so fucking pathetic. She felt lost and she felt misplaced and helpless, as she finally sat down on the bed mx wearing her boxers and bra.

“Sweetie,Tell me. what's going on in that beautiful head of yours? “ Brianna asked and wrapped her arms around Aquarias small waist and laid her head on her shoulder.

“you'll just think I'm crazy if I tell you” She sighed and tried to get lose, but Briannas grip only tightened.

“I promise you I won't, so please, tell me baby” Brianna whispered and placed a few kisses along Aquarias neck, which made the young girl relax, at least a little bit.

“Well… Ehh. I've never.. You know… slept with someone, well like this.. Because.. It's.. To intimate. “ she mumbled. “I've slept with so.. So many people.. But never.. Ehm. Spent the night with someone. “  _ just shut up already… _

As the words left the tip of her tongue, Brianna trailed more kisses down her neck, before she let go of her and laid down. Aquaria didn't move though, she didn't even know what to do at the moment. It was even worse than that night when she'd lost her virginity.

“Lay down baby, it's okay, I promise“ Brianna said with a reassuring smile, as their eyes met. Aquaria felt baffled by Briannas kindness and respect, so she knew she had to return it, by lying down next to Brianna. And as soon as their skin made contact, she knew she was safe. She had never showed herself this wornable to anybody before, but it didn't scare her so much as she thought it would. But then again, it was Brianna…  

“ehm, you can ehm if you want then, hold me” Aquaria whispered. She was anxious and afraid, but as soon as she felt Briannas arms around her, it was like all her worry and anxiety disappeared into nothingness.

Brianna didn't remember the last time she'd felt this relaxed as she did now, with her arms around the young girl. She watched her chest move up and down as she breathed, and smiled. Aquaria was utterly beautiful that is was almost unreal.

The sight made Brianna wish that she could just stop time and simply live in this moment for the rest of her life. But the clock was still ticking, which meant that it soon was a new day. Soon they they had to return to their different lives and attend their different roles, where they couldn't be together. It made Briannas her eyes tears up, because how the hell could something that felt so goddamn good, be so wrong?

Suddenly Aquaria began to stir in her sleep, kicking into the air, mumbling and even began to hyperventilate. Brianna became worried and even if she just wanted to hold Aquaria tighter and protect her from whatever it was that made her this anxious, Brianna knew it would probably make matters worse. Instead she reductably let go of Aquaria and turned on the light.  _ I wonder what is making you so upset sweetheart.. _

_ Aquaria knew she was dreaming, just as every damn night, but still she couldn't make herself up. But the saddest part about this, was that it wasn't just some random nightmare though. This had actually happened a couple of months back. And she dreamed about every fucking night, but for every night, the dream just became worse and worse. _

_ She was in that dark room again, watching her drunk self laying almost passed out at some bed at some random party. She had been supposed to go there with her friends,  Kameron and Blair, but they had both canceled in the last minute… Aquaria hadn't as much as batted an eye over it though since it wasn't the first time she'd gone to a party by herself. This however would be the worst night in her life and a night she would never forget. _

_ “sch, come on… She's in here” someone said and suddenly a few guys walked into the room. Aquaria tried to sit up, but her body didn't respond at all even she was fully aware of her surroundings. This just didn't add up, because Aquaria never drank much when she went to a party alone, since she knew she didn't have anyone but herself to rely on, so this simply didn't add up. What had even happened? _

_ “You… ugh, someone drugged me” she hissed, trying to push the guy that leaned over her and licked her face, before holding her neck for a seconds. When he finally let her go, she gasped for air. She wanted to kick him, bite him, punch him but she couldn't even move. How the fuck wasn't she able to move?! _

_ The panic began to settle in, along with the anxiety. She knew what was about to happen and she was absolutely fucking helpless. _

_ The only thing Aquaria could do, was to lay there and feel how her body slowly became ever more numb and it made her break down in tears. She couldn't do anything to save herself, as the guys began to rip her clothes to shreds, laugh and begin to pass her around like some kind of fuck doll. _

“DON'T FUCKING  TOUCH ME!! “ Aquaria screamed and snapped her eyes open.

Brianna froze, not sure know what to do or what do say. As she tried to figure it out, she fought hard against her tears.. Sadly she wasn't stupid because she knew exactly what Aquarias nightmare had been about and it broke she heart.. Brianna had been through that hell herself, but nobody knew that…

For now, Brianna just wanted to pull Aquaria into a deep hug, but she didn't. Touching her would likely make matters worse.

“Aquaria? Sweetie, it's okay, look at me. I'm here and nobody is gonna hurt you ever again” she said carefully. “I promise you “  _ Because if anyone does I'm gonna beat them. Promise me. _

“just.. Don't.. Just.. Don't“ Aquaria groaned. “and don't make promises you won't be able to keep..” she added, before she wrapped herself with the blanket, to cover up her body. She had almost forgot about the freshly made cuts in her leg and the last thing she wanted to do now, was to show them to Brianna.

“Then you don't have to. But sweetheart, I'm not stupid you know.”

“I don't want to talk about it… “

“Be as you may, but I'm not going to pretend like I don't know what that nightmare was about… “

“I just said.... Ugh! I just said that I don't want to talk about it, for fuck sake!” Aquaria snapped and laid down, with her back turned against Brianna.

It didn't take more than seconds after that before Aquaria began to cry and she hated herself for it. She knew she shouldn't have come here, because knew this would happen. She knew she woke up screaming every fucking night. So why had she thought that this night would have been any different? And the worst thing of all was that someone knew about the biggest secret she had…  _ You're such a fucking idiot. _

What if Brianna told her mother about this? After all, Brianna was still her teacher, a title that came with responsibilities.. But if she actually said a word about it to Sharon, Aquaria could easily turn Briannas life into a living hell , that was for sure. But that was the problem..  _ Aquaria didn't want to ruin Brianna. _

And the only thing Aquaria actually wanted to do right now, was to crawl into her Briannas safe and strong arms, tell her about that terrible night, which probably had ended up with them crying about it together… but she couldn't… Aquaria wanted to tough.. She wanted to be brave enough to ask Brianna for help, since she knew that her period was late, even if she tried to tell herself over and over again that she was just being paranoid..

“so it's going to be like that huh? “ Brianna growled. “Stop behaving like a spoiled brat Aquaria, it doesn't suit you! “

“well, it doesn't suit you to all of a sudden behave as my damn teacher either, because as far as I know, teachers aren't supposed to  _ fuck  _ their students now are they!? “

Aquaria felt sick by her own words but she couldn't take back what was already said and done. Besides, she was just doing what was for the best, which was pushing Brianna away. They couldn't be together so why play nice? So instead of getting hurt, she was the ass hole.

The choice of words left Brianna speechless, and she felt hurt. This wasn't the Aquaria she knew, but she also understood that she acted out of fear. She had behaved like this too. So she took a deep breathe and tried to calm herself down. Her anger wouldn't make this situation any better.

“I'm.. Sorry.. I.. I didn't mean that..” Aquaria suddenly said with a shaking voice and tears burning in her eyes.

“don't worry about it. It's okay sweetheart” Brianna said with a sad smile as her hands intertwined with Aquarias again, then added “And I didn't mean what I said either. I just.. I care about you, okay? “

Aquaria nodded and took a deep breathe to collect her thoughts.

“I.. I mean.. We have known each other for like what, five minutes? But.. I just.. I feel like I can trust you.. With my darkest secrets but.. It's scaring me. “

Brianna nodded, but didn't say a word. She knew if she did, Aquaria would probably pull back and not continue to talk, and she needed to. She really needed to and she needed time. So the older woman just held her hands, and waited.

The room was tense and it was almost impossible to breathe. Aquaria tugged on her bottom lip nervously, not really able to collect her thoughts and say anything... But she had so much she wanted to tell Brianna, that she needed to tell her, but she didn't know where to start because she was so scared and her whole body was even shaking due to the anxiety she felt.

“I.. I.. Fuck. This.. I.. I was raped okay? I was raped.. Like.. A couple of months back, at some party.. They.. They drugged me and it was a couple of guys that like.. You know”

Even if she tried to remain calm, Brianna was everything but just that. Her heart was breaking and her blood was boiling. She saw the shame in Aquarias eyes and it was painful, because she knew  _ exactly _ how she felt, which made it even worse. But compared to Aquaria, Brianna had made peace with what had happened to her and it was so many years ago. She had been able to process it and work though it, but the girl in front her hadn't. It was still a fresh wound for her.

“And I.. I haven't told anyone. And I mean.. I guess I can only blame myself because you know.. I dress like I do.. And I'm.. I don't.. I like sex.. I like sex.. And.. I've been in situations like that.. Before.. But those times I've.. Ehm.. I've been able to get away, but I couldn't that night”

“It's not your fault.. I want you to remember that… “ Brianna said, then cupped Aquarias head in her hands, gently making her look into her eyes. “It's not your fault sweetheart, okay? “

“but.. that's not the worst thing.. About it.. I mean… “

Aquaria finally pulled back and sat up in the bed, and shook her head. The whole room was spinning and she just wanted to throw up. She knew had already said to much but she had to say this as well. It was slowly eating her up from the inside and it was something she needed to take care of. She had just never felt like she could trust anyone before, not like this, not like she did with Brianna.

 

“I.. I think I'm pregnant… “

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Hope you like this new chapter. There is Triggerwarnings for mentions of sexual abuse on this one as well, so just a heads up
> 
> And no beta but I hope you like it anyway!

_ “I.. I think I'm pregnant… “ _

A week had passed since Aquaria had spent the night and poured her heart out. A week of complete silence. Aquaria had withdrawn to the shadows and became nothing but a ghost to Brianna.

She always came to her classes, but she sat as far back as she could, just staring out of the window and never even so much as gave  her teacher a quick glance.  _ Why are you acting like I'm nothing to you? _

Brianna felt hurt and sad by being given the cold shoulder. She tried to brush it off though, by telling herself that Aquaria had her reasons. Maybe she behaved like this to make her friends stop thinking there was something going on between her and Brianna. But regardless of whatever reason she had, Brianna still missed her…

Aquaria could at least give her a quick look when she walked past by her desk, a smile or let their hands brush against each others ‘accidentally’, on her way out of the classroom but she didn't.. There was just…  _ Nothing _ .

_ Don't take it personally B. She is young and already has to much on her mind. _

_ ***** _

Aquaria hardly touched her food at lunch break, but her friends didn't really notice it. Kameron and Blair were far to busy discussing the party Dustin was supposed to throw this weekend, debating what they should drink and what kind of clothes would be best to wear.

It was then Blair turned to Aquaria, because she always asked her for fashion advice, but Aquaria didn't hear the first or second time her name was called out. She didn't react until Blair nudged her shoulder.

“Hey, what's is going on with you, girl? “ kameron asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Nothing.. I'm… I'm just tired” Aquaria shrugged.  _ I'm tired of seeing the woman I love every damn day and it pains me that I can't kiss her. _

“uh oh. I call bullshit on that” Dustin said with crossed arms and Aquaria rolled her eyes. She wasn't in the mood for a argument and especially not with Dustin of all people. She felt drained and exhausted because this whole  _ avoiding Brianna to not make anyone ask questions  _ was slowly crushing her soul into a millions pieces. 

“Yeah I don't believe you either “ Blair piped in, and the tone in her voice was totally different than the one in Dustin's, and it was because she actually cared about Aquaria. Dustin didn't and had it not been because Dustin was Kameron's best friend, Aquaria had never hung out with her. She was nothing but a complete bitch in Aquarias eyes but she did throw the sickest and best parties there were though, that was for sure.

“so, prove me wrong then Aqua, or don't you have the guts to? “ Dustin pushed and the smug way she said it, it just rubbed Aquaria the wrong way.

“Ugh.. Just shut the fuck up already! “ She hissed and headed outside to take a cigarette.

*******

Brianna decided to take a walk that turned into a jog instead, when it was time for lunch, to clear her thoughts. She loved to run and push her body to the extreme. It had always been the only thing she had been able to control when everything else crumbled around her.

Turning the corner to the gym building, she noticed Aquaria, seemingly upset as she stood with her back against the building, all alone and smoked. She knew she should just ignore her and walk straight into her office but it was like her legs suddenly had a life of their own, as she walked over to her.

“Sweetheart, are you okay? “ Brianna asked carefully.

“ugh.. I'm so sick of that fucking question “ Aquaria groaned and even if she didn't mean to sound like a complete bitch, she still did.

“I've missed you” Brianna whispered as she took one of Aquarias hands in hers and quickly kissed her knuckles, before she released her hand. The quick kiss made Aquarias knees weak. God how  _ I've missed your lips against my skin. _

“I've missed you to… “ the young girl admitted, as her eyes finally met Briannas. She didn't want anything else in the whole damn world than to lean in and press a kiss to her plump and gorgeous lips, but she didn't. She couldn't. At least not here and now, because there were eyes everywhere and the last thing she wanted was to fuck up her life even more than she'd already had.

“I assume you have your reasons for avoiding me but I haven't been able to stop thinking about you..”

Aquaria didn't say anything because she didn't know what to say. She had never been good with words so she kept quiet. It was probably for the best. But her silence just made matters worse because even if older woman tried her absolute best to hide what she was feeling, Aquaria noticed it anyway.

She noticed the sadness in her voice, her eyes and her whole damn body language. Aquaria hated herself, because she had never had the intention to hurt her, but just as always, she had managed to do the complete opposite. But she was nothing but a fuck up, so why was she even surprised?

_ Brianna.. I need you. Please don't leave me. _

As if she could read her mind, Brianna  smashed her lips against Aquarias, pinning her up against the wall. The kiss took her totally surprise and she whimpered. The sudden kiss, closeness and touch was driving her absolutely insane. But in the same time, it was  _ exactly  _ what she needed. Aquaria laid her arms around her teachers waist and pulled her close, and a moan escaped her lips when their two bodies became one.

But as soon as it happened, it was over and when Aquaria opened her eyes again, Brianna was gone.

****

“So, what is actually going on with you? “ Blair asked, her voice laced with concern.

She had went home with Aquaria after school and now they were sitting on the porch, sharing a bottle of wine. The sun was warm but Aquaria looked like she had a dark cloud of thunder over her head. Her eyes that usually were filled with life and happiness, looked lifeless and dark. She had been acting weird for quite some time now but now it really showed.

“ehm.. Well. . Do you remember that party a while back, when you and kameron canceled in the last minute? “

Blair nodded.

“Okay well. I went there anyway, by myself and something…  _ bad  _ happened”

“Okay? Like what? Did someone spill a drink on your expensive dress or what? “ Blair joked, desperately trying to lighten up the mood but when she noticed Aquaria didn't so much as chuckle at her words, she gulped.

“Aqua, what happened? “

“I… I.. ..I got drugged and.. I ehm.…. I was raped”

“Baby, why haven't you said anything until now? I mean.. That party was months ago..oh baby, come here..” Blair said and embraced her trembling friend in a tight hug.

Aquaria laid her head on Blairs shoulder and finally broke down in tears. She cried for a couple of minutes, until her eyes began to hurt. As they parted, Blair placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and dried her friends eyes.

“I.. I.. I haven't said anything because.. I was.. Scared you guys would think like.. Think like it was my fault it happened because of you know, the way I dress”

“Girl, never! It's never the victim's fault. You were abused! Not the other way around” Blair said and Aquaria was surprised her otherwise goofy friend sounded so grown up all of a sudden. “Does your mom know? “

“No.. It's only you and B.. “ she stopped mid sentence and cleared her throat. “no. It's only you that knows”

“You're lying”

“Huh? I'm fucking not! “ Aquaria hissed, even if she actually was. But she couldn't tell Blair that Brianna knew as well… _she_ _couldn't even bring up her name._

She was already tired as it was and didn't want people to start to think there actually was something going on between them. Her plan of acting cold and uninterested in school maybe crushed her soul, but it worked. Nobody had asked a question about Brianna over the past week, but Aquaria was close to the breaking point. So she hoped Blair would take the hint and not continue to push.

“Okay, I. Sorry, i.. It just felt like you were about to say someone else's name but I guess I was wrong. Sorry”

“don't worry about it” Aquaria shrugged as she leaned back in her chair, her mind working on overdrive. She wanted to tell Blair more, but decided it was for the best that she didn't. Blair had never been good with keeping her mouth shut so everyone would know about this in the morning…

“Shit.. So.. Is this the reason why you haven't been with us to any parties recently? “

“Yeah.. I… I am so fucking scared I will run into any of those assholes and… “ Blair quickly cut of her off.

“Wait a minute… ass holes? As in more than  _ one _ ? Aqua, are you telling me that it wasn't just one guy who took advantage of you? “

“yes…. “

“my god... “

“you could say that… “ Aquaria shrugged.

******

The days went by fast and soon it was weekend and time for Dustys party. Aquaria had promised Blair she would tag along, at least for a bit, even if she didn't feel like it. But she owed Blair that since she had kept her mouth shut.

Now Aquaria was standing in front of her mirror, wearing nothing but a red lace bra and red thongs. She knew she had to buy a damn pregnancy test and that soon, just to be sure, but as she studied her body in her mirror, she felt like she had gained weight.  _ You're losing your mind. It doesn't show that early..  _ she told herself.

Finally she decided to not wear any of her tight dresses that left little to the imagination. Instead she chose a simple black tank top along with a red short skirt and her high black leather boots.

Aquaria sighed and didn't like the outcome at all, but she was too tired to actually care. Even if she always cared when it came to her appearance. Aquaria was known for her fashion and incredible makeup skills, and had a reputation to live up to but she had far to much on her mind as it was, when she began to apply makeup to her face.

She knew that this whole look wouldn't raise any eyebrows or make people think she looked sexy, and she would probably just melt into the background, and it made her let out a big breath of relief. She didn't want to be the center of attention tonight.

**Blair** I'll pick you up in a half hour, are you OK? Xo xo

**Aquaria** I'm OK. See you soon xo xo

****

They arrived an hour later at Dustys house. It was still early in the night but the party was already going crazy. The music was way too loud and the people were already too drunk. Had it been any other night, Aquaria would have joined in, and screamed of joy, but not tonight. No. The only thing she wanted to do was to go home. But she had promised herself to at least stay for a little while, maybe a couple of hours but God, she was already hating it.

“Girl, what on earth are you wearing? “ Dusty asked with a smug face as looked at Aquaria. “I thought you were the sex bomb, my dear queen of one night stands”

“Mind your own fucking business! ” Aquaria snapped and grabbed her beer and walked out to the porch. She didn't want to be here, and she groaned as she noticed the looks she got from people. She hadn't attended any parties for months and even if her whole outfit was very subtle, people still saw it was her.  _ Why do they have to fucking stare.. _

“Well well, look who finally came out to play again” a voice said from nowhere and Aquaria froze.  _ It can't be.. _

She recognized that voice and it sent shivers down her spine. She wanted to run but she wasn't able to so much as move when the guy sat down next her, and let his hands grab her tigh, trailing his fingers up her skirt.

“I've thought about you since that night you know... Me and the other guys have just waited for you to show up again to play”

Aquaria quickly grabbed his arm and dug her nails into it  and pushed him off.

“Don't fucking touch me “ She hissed, trying her best to sound intimidating, but she failed miserably. The guy only laughed at her and gripped her neck, making her gasp for air, before he pressed a aggressive kiss against her lips. A kiss that made her whole stomach churn.

“You're nothing but a whore” He laughed. “and I hope you've been a smart little whore and kept your mouth shut because I can ruin you” his voice was dangerous, poisonous and she gulped.

What on earth did he mean by that?

Aquaria didn't want to ask, but she got the answer soon anyway when he held up his phone and pressed play. Aquaria pulled back and covered her mouth with her hands.  _ The mother fuckers had filmed the rape. _

“like I said, I would keep my mouth fucking shut if I was you” he said as he stood to his feet and grabbed Aquaria between her legs and let his hand trail down her thigh before he disappeared into the crowd.

Aquaria couldn't breathe and knew she had to leave as soon as possible, before she had  a full blown panic attack. So she stood up, and her legs felt like spaghetti as she desperately began to look for Blair but she was nowhere to be found.

So aquaria just left. She wasn't sure where to go though, because there was not a chance in hell that she would be able to walk home. Especially not in this state. So she began to grasp after straws and picked up her phone and sent Brianna a message on Facebook, praying to God she would read it.

**_I need you to pick me up. Please._ **

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry sorry sorry for the long wait. I've been stuck with this story and I'm not really sure what I want next to happen so here is at least a short new chapter!

Brianna was half asleep in her couch when her phone suddenly pinged. At first she didn't want to check it but something told her, a feeling she wasn't able to ignore. And she gasped when she saw the name on her screen.  _ Aquaria..? _

_ A: I need you to pick me up. Please _

B Of course sweetheart, where are you?

A:  _ I don't know.. _

B  _ breathe sweetheart. Look around. Do you see anything special, any shops or maybe a street sign you can describe to me? _

Aquaria felt stupid. She had only been able to walk a couple of blocks before her body finally had given up on her and she'd collapsed at the curb.. So here she sat, with tears running down her cheeks, probably looking like absolute and utter Shit. She at least felt like Shit…

Suddenly Aquarias phone buzzed again and it made her groan. She knew she hadn't replied to Briannas last message, but what was the point? She had none other than herself to blame, and she didn't really know why she had even sent Brianna such a pathetic message to begin with…

So. Aquaria had to solve this on her own, but she didn't really know how, especially since her body didn't do as she wanted and every damn time she tried to stand up, she just stumbled backwards…  _ I knew I should have stayed home… I'm so fucked.. _ .

As she laid down on the curb and closed her eyes, she heard her phone buzz again. She tried to ignore it but , but the one who was calling, seemed to be more stubborn than her, so with a sign she reached down in her purse to retrieve her phone.  _ Wait what? Why is Brianna facetiming me? _ The questions were many, but the answers were none, as she accepted the call. 

“Hi..? “

“Sweetie, are you okay? What's happened? “ Briannas voice was shaking, and she looked like she'd seen a ghost or something.

“kinda.. Well I don't know.. I.. I.. I just want you to pick me up? Please? “

The words sounded so damn pathetic, even more pathetic than her words had sounded in the text earlier, but Aquaria didn't care. She was tired and scared. So she could live with being a loser, as long as Brianna came and picked her up.

Aquaria  _ needed _ Brianna now, so much. Aquaria  _ needed _ her strong arms around her, Aquaria  _ needed _ her tender kisses against her skin and Aquaria even  _ needed _ her damn breathe on her neck. She needed her so fucking much that it made Aquaria want to break down in tears once again.

“I'm on my way sweetheart. Just.. Sit tight. Can you do that for me? “

“Mmmh”

The call ended but Brianna stood frozen, with the phone in her hands for a couple of minutes before she was actually able to move. She was relieved she'd recognized the houses surrounding Aquaria, knowing it was only a 20 minutes ride from her. She finally grabbed her keys, smiling at the thought that she was soon able to hold Aquaria in her arms once more.  _ Soon she was able to protect her again. _

*******

Brianna drove around the block for a couple of minutes, desperately scanning the streets for Aquaria but she didn't see her anywhere. And for some reason, that made her stomach churn so finally she decided to park the car and look for her by foot instead.

Brianna hardly had the chance to close the car door before she heard a muffled scream and she began to run towards the sound, despite wearing heels.

She found Aquaria, pinned down against the ground, by one guy and another one was sitting over her. Her tank top was ripped to shreds, and one guy was just about to remove her bra but he didn't come so far. And he didn't have any chance to react either, before Brianna grabbed him from behind and threw him away as he didn't weigh anything.  _ You're not gonna touch her… not over my dead body. She's mine! _

“what the actual fuck! “ he screamed but the anger disappeared in a second when he saw that it was “just “ another woman standing in front of him. He looked almost as he wanted to laugh at the sight. Oh. If he only knew who he was fucking with..

“Oh my.. Tell me baby, did you feel jealous when I touched her instead of you hm? “ he asked with a disgusting grin.

“I'll give you to the count of three” Brianna warned, totally ignoring his words. The other guy looked confused but he continued to hold down Aquaria, that was too weak to make any resistance. That sight alone made Briannas eyes turn black.

“Come on, don't be a bitch! I can fuck you too, you know. Just as soon as I'm done with the first little tramp” he smirked and Brianna gritted her teeth. Enough was enough, she told herself when she pushed him backwards, punched his chest and kicked him in the crotch.

He whimpered as he fell down to the ground and gasped for air. Brianna wanted to hurt him so so much more, but she didn't, even if she knew she could. Instead she gave him a dangerous look.

“get the fuck out my sight, both of you!” Brianna screamed, clenching her fists and probably looked absolutely furious. The guys didn't make so much as a sound and quickly ran off.

And as soon as they had disappeared, the anger Brianna had felt, instead turned to anxiety and sadness, and she kneeled down to pick up Aquaria in her arms. The poor girl was almost unconscious and Briannas held her as tight as she could.

“Sweetie, it's me... I have you. Open your eyes for me, please? “

Aquaria whimpered, but slowly blinked her eyes open. The vision of Brianna was blurry to her, but at least her arms around Aquaria felt real. So maybe it wasn't a dream?

“I'm here now, baby. You're safe. ” Brianna whispered as she put Aquaria down in the passenger seat.

Their eyes locked and for a bleck second it was only them in the whole damn world.

Nothing could hurt them.

Nothing could touch them and nothing could tear them apart.

The sentence  _ You're safe now  _ twirled around in the young girls mind, but she was still afraid she was dreaming.

So to make sure this was actually happening, Aquaria grabbed Briannas neck, making their lips smash together. The kiss was everything but gentle and careful, but it didn't matter.  And when the older woman kissed her back, Aquaria finally let out a big breath of relief.

_ She was safe.  _

 

 

Right? 


	8. I know about you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story took a turn I didn't really imagine but I think it turned out good! This is a intense chapter and possible trigger warnings.
> 
> Enjoy and once again, sorry for my grammar mistakes. English isn't my first language and I don't have a beta.
> 
> Enjoy!

Brianna was the one to wake up first as the sun light slowly began to find its way into her bedroom. She smiled at the sight of Aquaria sleeping calm, safe in her arms, before she carefully untangled herself and sat up. Aquaria looked so peaceful, and for a second Brianna was just happy in the moment. Sadly it was only for a second. Then the dark thoughts found their way back into her mind. And each thought was like a slap in her face.

_ She's your student. _

_ You're gonna lose your job. _

_ You're going to ruin her life. _

_ And you're certainly gonna ruin your own. _

Aquaria suddenly stirred in her sleep and her eyes fluttered open. She noticed the wrinkles in Briannas face as she looked up at her and wondered what she was thinking about, but chose not to ask. Instead she searched for Briannas hand and let their fingers intertwine, and make their eyes meet.

“go back to Sleep baby, it's still early” Brianna said with a chuckle before she laid down again, placing her head on Aquarias shoulder, and kissed her neck.

“I know but.. it was cold without you holding me” the young girl mumbled, still half asleep and Brianna wrapped her arms around her.

Aquaria quickly fell asleep again, but Brianna laid awake, as her mind spun like a tornado. She hated the fact that she had let herself fall for Aquaria in the first place, but then again, she couldn't help herself. This girl was so beautiful, so honest and had everything Brianna would ever ask for in a partner and so much more.

But she knew she couldn't let this continue.

She just didn't know how to break it up.

******

They spent rest of the weekend together, mostly laying in bed, stealing kisses and cuddling. But when it was time for school again, it was like someone flipped the world upside down.

Aquaria quickly noticed how Brianna almost withdrew from her and it left her feeling confused. She still smiled at her in class and was nothing but nice to her, but she was still behaving odd. Sure, they had agreed to not show affection in school but still. Something just didn't feel…  _ Right. _

It left Aquaria feeling sad because she really didn't understand what was going on and it made her brain spin. Had their conversation that night after Brianna had saved her, meant nothing to Brianna? Didn't she really want her? Had she just said those things to make Aquaria happy? Nothing made any damn sense..

And the chaos that was Aquarias life, only got worse, when her mother Sharon came home a couple of days later. Usually that made Aquaria happy, because then she could enjoy being just a simple teenage girl without any big responsibilities.

Having Sharon home this time around though, only made Aquaria feel frustrated and cornered. And it was of course something her mother quickly noticed and brought up when they had dinner one night.

“so, care to tell me what is going on with you, Aqua? “ Sharon asked with a serious tone in her voice.

“it's.. It's Nothing. School is just… you know.“ Aquaria mumbled, trying to shrug it off as it was nothing. But it didn't work and Sharon looked everything but impressed. Then again, what had Aquaria expected? Her mother had always been able to see straight through her lies.

“Aqua, I let you live your life as you please when I'm not around, don't I? “ Sharon pointed out.

“Sure but.. “ Aquaria began to say but was quickly cut off.

“And I'm not blind even if I'm not home that much, because I know that you take my alcohol bottles and I know all about those parties you go to, wearing hardly any clothes and last but not least, I know how you sleep around with all kind of girls, but I don't say anything about it. I simply choose to play along because despite of all that Shit, you still take care of yourself and you are responsible, but I have one rule. One fucking rule Aquaria and you know what that is! Don't lie to me! “

Aquaria bit her lip and rolled her eyes. She wasn't in the mood for this.

“Sharon, just don't. Okay? Don't play the fucking mom card!” Aquaria snapped. “sure I can't argue with what you just said. But come on. Because You're never around, so don't try to act as my fucking mom when it fucking suits you! “

Aquaria felt her stomach churn and she knew she had to leave before she had a full blown panic attack. But as she stood to her feet, Sharon grabbed her arm and pushed her down again.  

“oh no! You're not going  **_anywhere_ ** before you answer my fucking question, have I made myself clear? “

The young girl gulped but nodded. She didn't dare to challenge her mother when she was this angry.. It like it wasn't the first time Sharon had raised her voice at her, but she had never been  _ this _ furious.

But the real question was how angry Sharon would get if Aquaria actually told her the real truth?  _ I'm so screwed.. _

“I.. I don't even know where to start “ Aquaria managed to say and when Sharon saw how small her daughter looked, the anger quickly disappeared and she reached for one of Aquarias hands and gave it a gentle squeeze.

They were everything but a ordinary family, but they loved each other and had managed to make their strange living arrangements to work. But it had been really hard in the beginning.

Sharon felt the memories wash over her as she looked at her teenage daughter.

She thought about the asshole that had been supposed to be Aquarias father and it left a sour taste in her mouth.

He had never been a good father, but Sharon had still hoped he would step up to the plate. Especially since he had more or less forbidden her to get an abortion when she'd found out she was pregnant. Sadly he had never become the father she had wanted him to be.

Instead he had started drinking even more than before and when Sharon finally found out how abusive he had been with their barley 10 year old daughter, she had thrown out all of his stuff onto the lawn, in the middle of the night and kicked him out. And they hadn't heard a word from him ever since.

Sharon had never planned on being a single parent but she loved her daughter to pieces and wanted to give her the world, and she was determined to give her the childhood she herself had never been able to have.

So Sharon began to search for a job, a ordinary “9-5 job” but every job she managed to find was underpaid and if she had taken any of them, they had been forced to sell their house and move to some sleazy apartment. Something Sharon refused to do, she finally took the hard decision to choose a job that meant she was away from home more than she was actually at  _ home _ .

But since aquaria had showed her in a early age how responsible she could be, Sharon had been able to take such a job, because she trusted her completely, so it worked out for them eventually.

They spoke on the phone every day and Sharon had never been worried about her daughter… until now that was and Sharon didn't know how to behave. It was unknown territory, for the both of them.

“Aquaria, I know I shouldn't have screamed like I did before but.... I'm just worried, okay? And I have never had to worry about you earlier, so I guess my anger just got the best of me. I'm sorry “ Sharon sighed and Aquaria knew she was sincere, and accepted her apology, offering her mother a crooked smile as a response. “So baby, please, tell me what's wrong? “

Hearing Sharon call her  _ baby  _ made Aquaria twitch, and it felt like someone stabbed her with a knife, because hearing that particular word, only made her think of Brianna.  _ Her Brianna. Her girlfriend, that didn't even seem to want her anymore. _

“Mom… I.. I'm scared to tell you. ” Aquaria whispered as her eyes began to tear up. “I'm just gonna break your heart if I tell you anything… and you're gonna hate me..“

Sharon bit her lip and moved to another chair so she could pull Aquaria into a tight hug.

“i would never hate you… And it can't be that bad Aquaria” Sharon said, calm, as she placed a kiss on her daughter's head, in a attempt to soothe her. But it only made Aquaria become tense as a violin string and eventually she pulled back, meeting her mother's worried eyes.

“Mom? I.. I.. I was raped”

The words came out before Aquaria was even able to think about them, and Sharon gasped, then covered her mouth with her hands. Her heart was breaking, and Aquaria knew it was now or never to drop the bomb.

“I was raped.. And.. And I think I'm pregnant because of it.. I'm sorry mom. I'm so so sorry.“

*****

Brianna collapsed on the couch when she finally came inside. She had been out running and had pushed her body so much that all of her muscles were hurting, but in a good way.

The icing on the cake though, had been if Aquaria had been there, cuddling and kissing her… but she wasn't.

Brianna missed her so fucking much, but she knew it was for the best that she kept to herself. Besides, Brianna needed the space and time, to find the right words.

She had to find the right way to tell Aquaria that they couldn't be a couple, even if she of course wanted to. But she had to put down her foot, before it went any further than it already had. She knew, or at least tried to tell herself, that it was for the best if Aquaria didn't have a distraction named Brianna in her life.

She finally fell asleep due to exhaustion but was awaken a while later by a loud banging on her door. Brianna groaned but walked out to the hallway, then unlocked the door, and saw a woman she didn't recognize, standing there.

She wondered who she was, and guessed she had to around her own age, maybe a couple of years older, but still, who was she?

Just as she was about to ask, she saw a crying Aquaria standing a couple of meters behind her and Brianna quickly put the pieces together. It had to be Aquarias mother she was facing, right? That thought made her nervous. Had Aquarias told her about them, because why else would Aquaria be crying..?

“ehm, Can I help you? “ Brianna asked.

“hello Brianna. I'm Sharon, Aquarias mother and I've heard much about you “ the woman replied. “and I know about you and my daughter”

Brianna froze, as her eyes searched for Aquarias, unfortunately without any success, so they met Sharon's again.

“I see. Please, ehm, come in then?” She gulped and moved to the side to let them inside.

She tried to read Sharons facial expressions and body language, but she couldn't, so Brianna wasn't sure if she was angry or sad, worried or on a warpath. Brianna needed strength, so when Aquaria walked by her, their hands brushed against one and another, before they went to sit down in the living room.

Aquaria was still sobbing, and she was fumbling with her hands, carefully watching Brianna and her mother looking at each other on silence. She knew Sharon wasn't angry with either her or Brianna, but she was still confused why her mother had insisted to meet Brianna like this. But she wasn't able to say anything, even if she wished she could. Instead she just sat there, feeling nothing but useless. Just as always.

“So, you know about us.. Ehm I mean, about me and your daughter you said? “ Brianna said after awhile of incredibly uncomfortable silence.

“Yes… yes I do “ Sharon replied, then added “And she told me about what happened to her and also what could have happened to her if you hadn't been there this Saturday. ”

“What.. do you mean Sharon? “ Brianna asked, not sure what to feel in this moment.

“You saved my Daughter from those young and disgusting boys, and for that I'm forever grateful”

“I.. Well, of course.. I care about your daughter.. But just to make one thing clear, Aquaria have told you I'm her teacher, or hasn't she? “


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I hope you like this chapter as well!

“you… You know I'm her teacher, right? “ Brianna asked again, holding her breath as the words left the tip of her tongue.

“yes, yes I do. Like I said, she told me” Sharon said with a crooked smile and Brianna was almost speechless. She had never thought that aquarias mother would be this accepting. And this calm!

“So, you're.. You're okay with that? Ehm, with  _ us _ ? “ Brianna asked when she suddenly felt Aquarias hand slip into hers, making a smile spread on her lips before Sharon spoke again.

“I just want my daughter to be happy” Sharon said with a shrug. “Besides, I can't judge her! I mean. I was married to a drunk ass hole that abused her… meaning… I owe her so much.. So want kind of monster should I be if I took this away from her? “

“Thanks… thanks mom” Aquaria said as she dried her eyes with her free hand and leaned her head against Briannas shoulder. The older woman placed a kiss on her forehead and wrapped her arm around her, pulling her as close as she could.

“and I just get the feeling that who would never take advantage of her either, Brianna, so to me, you're practically family now”

Briannas heart skipped a beat.

_ Family. _

She didn't know how much Aquaria had told her mother about her and her dark past, but she didn't really care. She had just been referred to as  _ family,  _ which was something she hadn't been a part of for so so many years. She was so happy that she almost began to cry.

_ Family. _

“Sharon. I.. Thank you “ Brianna replied, not really able to form a better sentence since she was so emotional at the moment. “So.. I guess I wasn't the reason Aqua was crying then? “ she added carefully.

“No, you weren't… “ Sharon said with a sigh, as she sunk down on the couch. The room suddenly felt tense again and it was almost impossible to breathe. And the change of the atmosphere hit Aquaria hard. Really fucking hard.

“I.. I have to go to the bathroom” Aquaria suddenly said as she stood to her feet and almost ran out of the room, leaving her mother and girlfriend behind.

She locked the bathroom door behind her and almost puked before she had the change to open the lid to the toilet.

It felt like someone was stabbing her with a knife, over and over again, as the room span like some kind of a twisted roller coaster.

And it took a few minutes before Aquaria was able to calm herself down, at least a bit, and when she did, she dunk down on the floor with her back against the wall.

The young girl pulled up her legs to her chin and sighed. Why couldn't she just be happy over the fact that her mother accepted her girlfriend? Why did the demons in her head always manage to fuck everything up?

*******

“Should I go and check on her? “ Brianna asked, suddenly unsure of what to do. Sharon just shook her head.

“no, let her be. She will be fine.. Well, if you don't have any razors she can find that is? “ Sharon said, as she bit her lip, just as Aquaria always did when she was nervous about something. Brianna had maybe only known Aquaria for a short while, (even if it felt like years to her), so she had noticed small things and quirks like that.

“No, I've hidden my razors. I.. I have seen her scars so.. “ Brianna replied carefully and Sharon offered her a crooked smile once again.

“so then.. Regarding Aquaria and the possibility of her being pregnant then? What are your thoughts about it? “

Brianna sighed. She felt that she needed some harsh liquor to wash away this anxiety she had, scratching in her throat, but she refused to give in to her demons. She knew she was so much stronger than them anyway. But the need for it was still there. But she tried to shake it off. 

“I actually haven't had the chance to talk with her about it, but I can say that I will support her whatever she chooses to do, if that's the case” Brianna replied. 

She had always wanted a family of her own, but not like this. Absolutely not like this… so even if Brianna maybe sounded convincing and kind, she was everything but sure what to do if Aquaria turned out to be pregnant and actually wanted to keep the kid. And as the thoughts began to multiply, she felt the anxiety rise with every breath, so Brianna quickly decided to switch the subject.

“Sharon, I'm sorry but I just have to ask this.. how come you're not furious over the fact that your daughter is dating her English teacher? I mean many parents would lose it.“

Sharon was so incredibly hard to read, which left Brianna feeling frustrated. She showed absolutely nothing, while Aquaria wore her emotions on her sleeves.

“look. To begin with, I was so much worse when I was around her age. I didn't even go to school! I was the teacher's worst nightmare. And look at my daughter, she has straight A's in everything” Sharon replied. “Besides, she's so much better off with having a girlfriend than sleeping around like she's always been doing. And to be honest with you, I actually think she's been using sex like a way of hurting herself too.. “

Suddenly Brianna noticed a sad twinkle In Sharon's eyes. She was extremely proud over her daughter, that was for sure, and she should be, but it seemed that somewhere, deep down, that Sharon was blaming herself for the small and few wrongdoings Aquaria had done in her life. Brianna knew she should choose her words carefully now, but she didn't though. She chose to speak her mind instead. The situation needed it.  _ Desperately _ .

“aquaria is a unique girl, and you should be nothing but proud of her, Sharon, and I really mean it. Unfortunately I get the feeling that you're blaming yourself for this situation with Aquaria? Or am I wrong? “

“huh, You're a smart cookie aren't you? “ Sharon chuckled, before she turned serious again. “But yes, I am blaming myself. It's my fault isn't it? I mean.. I am her mother, Brianna and I should have been there. I should have been there!” The frustration began to grow in her voice. “and I know, I know she can take care of herself but she's still young and she needs me. But I haven't been around as much as I should have and I can't let go of this terrible feeling, that if I had been home more, that this maybe wouldn't have happened? “

“Sharon.. Please. Don't be so hard on yourself, dear” Brianna said as she took one of Sharon's hands in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. “We will figure things out, okay? I'll talk to Aquaria about this and you go home and get some sleep. This have been hard on us all”

“Thank you Brianna. My daughter didn't lie when she said you were special”

******

When Aquaria had finally dried her eyes and splashed her face with water, she made her way back downstairs. She began to panic when she didn't find anyone in the living room though but the panic quickly disappeared when she heard someone humming and found Brianna in the kitchen. Aquaria leant against the doorpost and smiled at the sight of her. She was totally in her own bubble, as she was making food that smelled like heaven to the young girl.

“Hey there” Brianna said when she finally turned around to see aquaria. “Are you OK baby girl? “ she added, as she walked up to her and wrapped her arms around her small waist, then pressed a kiss to her lips.

“mmmhm, now I'm good” Aquaria replied as she relaxed in the safety that was Briannas arms. She quickly noticed Brianna seemed tense though, as they parted and their eyes met. “but are you okay? “

“Me? Yes, I'm. Yes I'm fine. Just a bit tired”

“Bri, I see you're not okay. So what's up? Was my mom  _ that  _ hard on you? “

“Oh no, we had a good talk so there's nothing to worry about there but, sweetheart” Brianna stopped herself to take a deep breathe.. “but I promised her that you and I should discuss one thing though”

“discuss what? “ Aquaria asked anxiously when she felt Brianna place her hand on her stomach, which made her freeze in her spot.

“We have to buy a pregnancy test Aqua and find out if you're actually pregnant.. “ Brianna said, her voice was shaking and Aquaria quickly pulled back. “And take it from there”

“Then what? Then fucking what? “ the young girl snapped. She was absolutely terrified. And seeing the unsure look in Briannas eyes only made her feel worse.

“What do you mean sweetheart? “

“What if I'm pregnant? Then what's going to happen between us? Or maybe that's what you're trying to say, that there isn't gonna be anymore  _ us  _ if I'm pregnant? “

“That's not what I'm saying but we have to at least find out, okay? “

“Well of course! But I want a honest answer Bri, please? “ Aquaria sighed as her girlfriend took her trembling hands in hers. “Will you stay with me if I can't get rid of it? “

Brianna swallowed hard and looked away for a second, before she met Aquarias eyes again. She felt fucking terrible for what she was about to say, but she couldn't lie. Even if she wanted to..

“Bri? Please, please tell me you will still stay with me? “

“I.. I don't know baby… I'm sorry… “

Aquaria just nodded, not sure what to feel and her mind went into panic mode again. She didn't blame Brianna at all though, because Aquaria didn't know if she wanted to be in her shoes and she didn't know what she would feel if the tables had been turned... But then again, she didn't want Brianna to disappear from her life.. She knew it was early but… Aquaria didn't just care about her. No. She actually  _ loved  _ her.

So what would actually happen from now on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave some love :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggerwarnings for this chapter. Mentions of self harm so this chapter is gonna be a lot of angst! But hope you'll enjoy it anyway!

Aquaria waited until Brianna fell asleep before she slipped out of the bed and snuck out and went to her own house. She hated the fact that she chose to run, just as always, but then again, she needed to be alone, she needed to process this and most of all, she needed to breathe. Usually she could do that with Briannas arms around her, but not this time around. The anxiety was simply way to strong.

But this time around Aquaria felt somewhat strangled and cornered, so when she finally closed the door to her own room, Aquaria let out a big breath of relief. She checked her phone that was filled with messages but she didn't open any of them. She just ignored them since her brain was fixated on something totally else. Something she had hidden in a small box underneath her mattress.

Her knight in shiny armor.

Her trusty, old razor blade.

Aquaria knew she shouldn't do this. The only right thing to do, would be to just throw it away and run back into Brianna safe arms and block out the world. But she didn't. She was too fucking weak to fight the urge, especially when she held the temptation in the palm of her hand. Instead she somewhat tried to excuse what she was doing, by telling herself that she didn't really deserve Brianna. And that it was just a matter of time before she would lose Brianna completely, so why should she be strong for her.

That last thought finally pushed Aquaria over the edge, as she kicked off her skirt and sunk down on her bed. Her eyes went straight to her scarred legs as she let her fingertips dance over all of her scars.  _ Fuck it  _ she thought to herself and finally pressed down the cold blade.

One cut quickly turned to two, three, four.. Soon Aquaria had lost count.

The rush was almost unreal, but it wasn't enough. Aquaria desperately needed more, so she moved the blade to her left thigh and when it was completely covered in cuts she was satisfied. So finally Aquaria leaned her head against the wall and wrapped her legs with the towel she had underneath her bed as well.

_ Shit… this feels so fucking good. I've missed this… _

Aquaria smiled, almost like some kind of crazy person, high on all the endorphins, before she collapsed on her bed and fell asleep.

*****

Brianna heard when Aquaria left. She just chose to pretend to be asleep because she didn't have it in her to argue anymore that night. Instead she tried to tell herself that Aquaria needed to be alone right now, to be able to think this through and she didn't blame her for wanting to be alone. But Brianna still felt sad. She was sad over the fact that Aquaria didn't seem to think about her. That Brianna maybe needed her?

They were a couple now, which meant they  needed to be two to make this work. It would never work if one off them chose the easy way out and ran.

But aquaria was young and had never had a girlfriend before Brianna so it was only logical that Aquaria chose to flee when she didn't know what to do.. But still, that wasn't how a relationship worked.

_ Oh, who am I kidding? This is gonna end like it always does. I'm just gonna end up getting hurt… just as always..  _ Brianna thought to herself as she flickered on her lamp and sighed.  _ I'm so stupid.. How could I even believe Aquaria would be any different than the others? _

The thoughts only became worse. The biggest one being, if they would manage to get through this?

And if they did, would they do it  _ together _ or not?

******

Aquaria woke up in the middle of the night, hissing of pain, as she finally managed to sit up in her bed. The towel was completely drenched in blood and it almost made her panic. But then again, what didn't make Aquaria panic these days?  _ I'm such a fucking disgrace. _

A groan escaped Aquarias lips as she stood to her feet and removed the towel to take a look on her thighs. She looked like Shit, to say the least and desperately needed a shower to clean her cuts. But it would be too risky to take one at home.

Besides, she has already hurt Sharon far to much as it was. So if she wanted a shower, she needed to sneak back into Briannas house. But she didn't have the heart to just go over there again, so she decided to send her a text to begin with, to see if she was awake. And if she even wanted to see her again.

**A :** hey, don't panic. I'm at home.

She didn't really expect a reply, so when her phone pinged, she was actually surprised.

**B:** I figured you were and it's okay. <3 I actually woke up when you left cause the bed felt so empty without you, sweetie.

A smile spread on Aquarias lips, and she felt a bit of hope, thinking that maybe, just _maybe,_ the two of them would make it through this chaos. And do it together.

**A** : I'm sorry for being a complete bitch earlier. I just freaked out.

**B** : it's okay. But it would be even better if you came here. I miss you.

Aquaria sighed when the happiness left her stomach and was replaced with anxiety as she looked down on her legs. She knew she couldn't just go over there without telling Brianna what she'd done and even if it was easier to tell her over a text, it was still hard.

**A** : I have to tell you something first. It's something I've done... Something… Bad.

Briannas stomach was in knots because she knew what Aquaria meant. She didn't have to spell it out for because she knew. It still broke her heart. Brianna had never let her go home if she'd know aquaria would hurt herself. So in a way she blamed herself for it had happened. 

**B** . It's okay. Just come here baby and let me take care of you.

 

**B** . I love you.

 

****

Aquaria hardly made it over to Briannas house due to the horrendous pain in her legs. She was actually sobbing because of it but as soon as she opened the door, she smiled at the sight of Brianna. She greeted Aquaria with open arms, that quickly pulled her into a tight hug. And as soon as the arms wrapped around Aquarias waist, she knew she was safe. It was safe, because Brianna was there to take care of her.

“it's okay baby, I got you, okay, I got you? So just let it all out. And remember, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here” Brianna whispered. “and I love you baby. I love so so much”

“I love you too” Aquaria breathed out with the last strength she had before Aquaria felt her legs almost disappear beneath her. But Brianna reacted quickly and scooped Aquaria up in her arms.

She did it extremely carefully, almost as the girl in her arms was a porcelain doll, because the last thing she wanted was to cause her even more pain since Brianna didn't know exactly where Aquaria had cut herself or how badly she'd done it. But even if she was as careful as she could, Aquaria still hissed due to the pain and buried her face in Briannas neck to prevent herself from screaming.

“It's okay baby, it's okay. I'm gonna take away the pain, I promise. Just.. Breathe for me baby, breathe. Don't forget to breathe. And don't forget I love you “

Aquarias breathing finally slowed down to a almost normal tempo when they reached the bathroom.

“alright. I'm gonna put you down now baby girl, is that okay? “ Brianna asked and the young girl mumbled a yes into the neck of her. “Okey, on the count on three then “

But even if Aquaria was put down carefully, the pain almost made her pass out. So she desperately tried to distract herself and her attention went to Brianna instead.

She was so incredibly beautiful, even if her hair was messy and she had bag under her eyes. It didn't matter. She was still the most beautiful woman that Aquaria had ever seen.

Brianna smiled slightly when she noticed how Aquaria was watching her, as she began to fill the bathtub with water. When the water began to fill up the tub, she closed her eyes for a second, to mentally prepare herself for what she was about to see. If aquaria even wanted her to.

“there baby, the bath is almost done. So I'll leave you too it” Brianna said as she turned around and glanced quickly at the young girl. She was almost out of the room when a shaking hand grabbed her arm, making Brianna do almost a twirl.

“Don't.. Don't go. “ Aquaria stuttered as their eyes locked. “I just.. I don't want to be alone. Can't you.. Stay with me? “ aquaria added, and even if she wanted to say much more, she didn't. She didn't have the strength but the words still danced on the tip of her tongue.

_ I don't want to be without you, not even for a second. I need you. I can't bare to think about a life without you. Because without you, I will fall apart completely… you're my world. _ .   _ I love you. _

But she kept all those words to herself. At least for now.

“oh sweetheart, of course I'll stay if that's what you want” Brianna replied with a reassuring smile as her hands found their way to Aquarias belt to undo her pants. But she didn't get further than that before Aquarias hands gripped hers.

“It's bad Bri… really really bad and… I.. I look absolutely disgusting.... “ she mumbled, as her eyes left Briannas. She was far too ashamed to look into those beautiful and honest eyes right now. Aquaria simply felt like the absolute worst person on the whole fucking earth right now and she wasn't sure if Brianna would be able to handle what she was about to show her. And suddenly she felt bad for asking her to stay with her.

“Aqua, please, baby, look at me” Brianna said. It was almost a desperate plea. “I love you okay? So let me see”

Terrified eyes met somewhat neutral ones.

“well… okay “

Aquaria finally stood to her feet and squeezed her eyes shut while Brianna took off her pants and as they fell to the ground, so did the last dignity that Aquaria had left.

She felt Briannas eyes watching her closely, when she realized that she had actually  _ never _ showed anyone her cuts before. Not Blair. Not even Monet.

Nobody had never seen her scars either, because Aquaria always made sure to cover them up with makeup. She didn't want anyone to see or know about how broken she actually was.

So Brianna was the absolute first person she'd ever dared to trust like this. But even if Aquaria did trust her, she was still absolutely fucking terrified.

Brianna reached for her first aid kit, to find something to clean the cuts with and felt how the anxiety began to fill the room.

“Sweetheart, I want you to look at me” Brianna said. “just for a second, baby. Do you think you can do that for me? “

“I'm sorry Bri.. But.. No.. I.. I can't… “

“shhh, it's okay baby, you don't have to. Don't worry. But I want you to sit down again and take a deep breath for me. “

“Mmm” Aquaria mumbled as she sunk down on the chair behind her again, still with her eyes closed.

“you're doing great sweetheart. So what I'm gonna do now it to clean your cuts before you can take a bath, okay? ”

Aquarias eyes snapped open just as Brianna gentle fingers made contact with her skin and  her hand gripped Briannas once again and she began hyperventilating too.

“calm down baby, calm down. I got you. I got you, and I'll take care of you if you let me. But the question is, do you trust me? “

“I.. I do.. But.. This.. You.. “ Aquaria stopped herself to took a deep breathe to calm herself down. She wasn't able to form a full sentence at the moment, but she had to try to do her best at least, as she added. “I.. It's.. It's so intimate.. I.. Mean.. It's.. It's even more..  _ Far _ more intimate  than sleeping next to you was you know.. That first time..”

“Baby, breathe”

“I just.. I haven't felt this… naked before.. Not In my whole fucking life...“

Brianna chose to not say anything more as for now, so instead she leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss to Aquarias lips. She felt that no more words were needed right now, and when the young girl kissed her back, Brianna smiled.

And when finally they parted, Aquaria gave her a nod, to tell Brianna it was okay to begin. So Brianna grabbed the ointment again and carefully began to take care of the cuts that covered both of Aquarias inner thighs. And as she cleaned them, she noticed how Aquaria had closed her eyes again.

“You're still beautiful baby, so so beautiful “ Brianna spoke, calmly and she noticed how her voice soothed her terrified girlfriend. She didn't relax completely, but at least her breathing began to slow down.

Brianna had to fight her big urge to cry tough, because it was so heartbreaking for her to see this. To see the girl that she cared so incredibly much about, to see the girl that she had actually confessed, out loud, that she loved, have done something terrible like this to herself.

“I love you sweetheart, I love you so so much”

Aquaria listened to every word that came out of Briannas mouth, and even if she believed her, a part of her didn't. The demons clawed in Aquarias throat and laughed at her. They also reminded her about the huge possibility that Brianna would leave her as soon as it turned out that Aquaria was pregnant, that she was only lying to her now. Thankfully Briannas voice managed to bring her back to the present, before the demons managed to get under her skin completely.

“there sweetheart. All done. so now it's time for your bath, okay? “ Brianna said with a gentle smile as Aquaria finally blinked her eyes open.

“ehm.. Will you make me company.. ? “ Aquaria asked, as she bit her lower lip.

“Of course” Brianna replied as she helped her girlfriend to stand. The young girl kicked of her underwear and held up her arms so Brianna could pull of her shirt. Before she scooped her up in her arms and put her in the bath tube, she gave Aquaria a gentle kiss on her cheek.

“ugh.. “ Aquaria groaned when she felt the warm water against her scarred legs. She cursed herself under her breathe but as soon as Brianna climbed into the bath tube, her focus went elsewhere.

“Are you okay baby? “ Brianna asked as she opened her arms to invite Aquaria into her embrace. The girl hesitated for a bit but finally her need for comfort and safety took over and she let Briannas strong arms hold her.

A long silence followed but Brianna didn't push. She knew how fragile Aquaria was right now so she didn't want to say anything to upset her. Even if she wished she could, Brianna knew she couldn't protect Aquaria from all the terrible things that existed in this world, but she could at least do that in this very moment. And she did, while she pressed tender kisses along her girlfriends neck.

“I.. I'm not worthy of your love bri.. I'm.. I'm not..” the young girl suddenly said, bringing Brianna back to the presence.

“oh Baby, that's nonsense. Of course you are!“ Brianna replied quickly, without any hesitation at all. Aquaria just shrugged.

“I mean.. it doesn't really matter… You're not gonna be around for that long anyway Bri.. “

The words were harsh, but they were at least honest, straight from her heart and Brianna wanted to make Aquaria understand that she really loved her,  _ all of her _ , as her hands suddenly disappeared underneath the water surface and her fingertips gently brushed against Aquarias cuts.

“please.. Don't.. Please.. I.. Ugh.. Don't touch them“

“baby, I love you. Which means all of you, Even your imperfections”

Brianna was relieved Aquaria didn't see her face now, because her eyes were filled with tears that threatened to spill over in any given second, because even if she was probably mentally stronger than the girl in her arms were, she was still hurting too.

“You can't… you can't… you can't love someone like me… not like me… “ Aquaria said, over and over again until she finally began to cry again, and this time around, Brianna broke down too. They cried together for what felt like a year.

*****

After a long and much needed talk with Sharon over the phone the next morning, they came to the conclusion that Aquaria should stay home from school for the rest of the week while Brianna did the same, using the well-known “family emergency“ card.

When that was taken care off, Brianna went to the drug store to buy a pregnancy test and was relieved that Aquaria was still asleep when she came home. She looked so so peaceful as Brianna leaned down and kissed her forehead, making the young girl stirr in her sleep.

“hey, it's time to wake up now, baby girl“ Brianna whispered and Aquarias eyes fluttered open.

“ugh, what time is it? I don't want to be late for school “

“You're not going to school today baby, your mother called them and said you were sick” Brianna replied.

“Huh? She did what? “ Aquaria asked and sat up, then rubbed her tired eyes. “I'm not sick? “

“No, but we need some time to ourselves baby, especially today” Brianna said, almost whispered as she placed the pregnancy test in her young girlfriends hand. Aquaria gulped, and was close to tears just by seeing it so she quickly put it away.

“I.. I.. I'm scared.. “

“Baby, don't be. I'm right here”

“But will you still be if that fucking test is positive though? “

Brianna had never seen Aquaria so small, so fragile and so scared. Her eyes were burning with tears and she was tense like a violin string. The sight alone almost made Brianna cry.

“Aqua” she said, as she took her girlfriends shaking hands in hers. “I really thought about this last night when you finally fell asleep and regardless of what that test is gonna show, I'm staying right here. I'm not leaving you, okay? I am  **_not_ ** going anywhere. I promise”

“promise.. ? “

“I promise baby. I do. I just got scared when you asked me about it but, but I'm not scared anymore. Because I love you so incredibly much. So that test isn't gonna scare me away, okay? “

“okay” Aquaria said with a nod as she leaned in and pressed her lips against Briannas. The kiss was what sealed the deal. It was a promise. A promise the they would get through this, and most important of all:

_ They would do it together.  _

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has taken me forever and ever to write and I don't even know if I like it. So if you do like it, let me know, because I don't even know if I will be able to continue this story. My mind is blank.. Hopefully my muse will return soon again. 
> 
> Anyway. If you like the chapter, let me know. It would mean the world to me.

Aquaria went into the bathroom alone with the pregnancy test in her hand, after Brianna had kissed her over and over again, reminding her that they would get through this, together, whatever the outcome would be.

And even if Aquaria believed Brianna, she still felt lost. She still felt so damn fucking lost, confused and helpless, sitting there in the bathroom, with nothing but her own dark thoughts as company.

So the young girl just sat there, almost frozen in her spot, after she had taken the test. She had not dared to look at it just yet, even if it didn't really matter. It had to be positive. Aquaria felt it in her guts that it was, especially since she didn't remember the last time she had her period. But still, some part of her still hoped it would be negative so as long as she didn't look at it, she could still cling on to that false reality.

“Sweetheart? Are you okay in there? “ a careful voice suddenly asked but aquaria didn't reply. “sweetie? Can I come in? “

Brianna had paced back and forth for almost and hour outside of the bathroom, since she wanted to give Aquaria some space. But she had grown tired of being nothing but a quiet bystander, so she finally walked up to the bathroom door and knocked. She waited for a response but as the minutes passed, she never got one, realizing she would probably never get one either. So instead Brianna opened the door with a shaking breath.

She found Aquaria sitting on the floor with her eyes shut and noticed that one of her hands were shut as well. Her heart broke at the sight but she pushed away the tears and her own sadness, reminding herself that she needed to be strong now, because Aquaria needed her more than ever. So Brianna didn't say anything, she just sat down next to Aquaria and rubbed her shoulder to tell her she was there. The sudden touch made Aquaria imminently bury her face in Briannas long blonde hair and seconds later she began to sob.

“I.. I.. I can't.. “ Aquaria mumbled. “I.. I can't”

“What can't you do, sweetheart? “ Brianna asked as she placed a finger under Aquarias chin, making the young girls eyes flutter open and met hers.

“Can't look at it. I just can't.. “

Aquaria was shaking like a leaf by now and Brianna knew that the demons in her head were playing tricks with her. Aquaria was most likely still scared shitless that Brianna would end up leaving her, even if she had told her she never would. But Aquaria was so young and sadly the darkness inside of her was to strong right now.

That meant that Brianna had to be even more careful and gentle then ever before as she laid her hand on top of Aquarias closed fist that laid between the two of them, never letting her eyes leave hers.

“I know you're freaking out baby girl, but I'm still going to be true to my word that I gave you earlier, okay? “ Brianna said, then kissed away Aquarias tears. “I'm going to be right here, right next to you, as I am now, whatever that test tells us and I'm still going to be right here whatever you tell me you want to do about it, okay? “

Aquaria just shrugged.

“I just.. What if I can't.. Get rid of it? If I'm.. “ she blurted out, not able to form a full sentence. “What.. … I.. I mean, what will everyone at school say about me? I'm.. I'm gonna be a.. “ Brianna cut her off with a kiss and as they parted, Brianna offered her a reassuring smile.

“it's gonna be okay sweetie. Just trust me”

“How can you be so fucking sure? “ Aquaria snapped, her fear quickly turning into anger, even if she didn't mean it to. It just did. It always fucking did.

“Actually… I know that because, well, I've been in this position myself, that's why…”

“You… You have…? “

“Yes baby, I have” Brianna replied with a sad smile, and it felt like it happened yesterday as the memories washed over her.

“I haven't told anyone about it before, but yes, I got knocked up in a similar situation like you've experienced. But in some way, it was almost worse.. Because it wasn't some random ass hole at some stupid party.. It was actually my boyfriend at the time.. “

“No way… “ Aquaria gasped, as her mind went blank.

“unfortunately... And I blamed myself for it so long, trying to brush it off as it was nothing. Telling myself it a simply misunderstanding since it was my boyfriend. But as I grew older and went to therapy, I finally understood I was raped. Because I didn't want to have sex that night.. And a no is always a no..“ Brianna said, fighting against the tears that burned in her eyes, then added:

“but I still remember that night.. I… I remember I wasn't in the mood for sex after we came home to his apartment after some party, but he was. He was sweet in the beginning and tried to get me into the mood, telling me how beautiful I was and kissing me over and over again, but I just pushed him away, which finally made him snap. So he lost his temper, and pushed me down onto the bed and I remember I begged him to let me go of me and said that he was scaring me but he didn't listen. He took what he wanted and I couldn't do anything about it because he was so much stronger than me...“

“Bri.. I.. I'm so sorry… “ Aquaria said as she felt her heart break. She wanted to hold Brianna, to hug her, to kiss her, but she couldn't do anything. She was still frozen in her spot because of her own damn anxiety. 

“How old were you? “

“Oh, not much older than you..” Brianna replied. “and I knew I was never into boys, but I tried to.. That relationship... I tried so hard, because I fooled myself that if I went back home to my parents house, they would take me back with open arms again if they saw I had a boyfriend… “

“I.. I don't even know what to say.. “

“It's okay baby, you don't have to say anything. Just listen to me okay? “

Aquaria nodded.

“I just want you to understand that I really feel the pain you're going through right now and the fear.. Since I've felt it too. But unlike me, you're not alone in this… I was thrown away like I was nothing but garbage when it turned out I was pregnant.. But that's not what's going to happen to you okay? Because I'm right here, just like your mother. And We both love you Aquaria and we only want what's best for you.“

After Brianna had opened up to her with such a heartbreaking story, Aquaria finally felt that she was ready to look at the test, because now she really knew Brianna wasn't going to leave her. She leaned forward and kissed her lips, before she slowly opened the palm of her hand and Briannas hand pulled back a bit, but never left her side.

“It's.. It's positive” Aquaria breathed out, as she felt how her heartbeat began to speed up.

Brianna nodded, then took the test and placed it on the floor before she wrapped her arms around Aquaria and pulled her into a hug. The young girl buried her face in her hair again and began to sob.

“It's okay baby. It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here and I love you”

*****

Brianna carried Aquaria to the bed and held her until she finally fell asleep, before she slipped out of the bed and closed the door behind her, pulling up her phone from her pocket. She hoped Aquaria wouldn't get angry with her for making this call.

“Sharon”

“Hey Sharon, it's me. Brianna”

“Oh… finally. I've waited the whole morning to hear something… so… what did the test say? “

“I'm sorry but it was positive… “

A long silence followed.

“Sharon, are you still there? “

“Yes.. I'm.. I'm here. I.. I just don't know what to say to be honest… “

“Well, me either.. But I just wanted to let you know.. “

“Thank you Brianna for calling me. And thank you for taking so good care of my daughter. I'll call her later. And well, thank you again Brianna. ”

“it's nothing Sharon. Thank you for being so supportive” Brianna said before hanging up and returning back to the bed.

Aquaria began to stir in her sleep, and suddenly realized how empty the bed felt when she blinked her sleepy eyes open. She quickly noticed she was all by herself which set her mind into panic mood, but as soon as the bedroom door opened and she saw Brianna in front of her, she managed to push away her anxiety, even if it still hung around in the back of her mind.

“I thought you wouldn't leave me? “ aquaria mumbled.

“baby, I just want to the bathroom. But now I'm right here okay? “

“mkay “ Aquaria replied as Brianna climbed back under the covers and wrapped her arms around the young girls trembling body.

“So you don't have to worry anymore sweetheart, I'm here again, okay? ”

“What are your thoughts about like, having kids, Bri? “ Aquaria suddenly asked, her back still turned against Briannas, since looking into her eyes would make it impossible for aquaria to talk about this. But they needed to talk about this, before aquaria could make up her mind about what do to with her pregnancy. She still felt so torn about it.

“We don't have to talk about that right now Aqua”

“But we kinda do ehm.... I want to know what you.. Think.. I mean, you're older than me. You maybe have thought about it and dreamed of having kids, I haven't really thought about it before but then again, I never imagined myself falling in love with someone, before I met you either..”

Brianna pressed a few kisses against Aquarias neck, trying to find the right words.

“well, I always dreamed of having a family of my own and living in a house out on the countryside, with a couple off horses and a dog” Brianna said, smiling at the picture she painted in her head. She loved that picture but this time around it looked different, the big thing being that the woman in her imagination, wasn't some random one. It was Aquaria. And it made her heart skip a beat.

“oh.. Ehm, am I a part of that dream? “

“yes, off course you are sweetheart, why wouldn't you be? “

Brianna had hoped she would make Aquaria feel happy, but her words seemed to have the complete opposite for some reason. Instead it made the young girls stomach churn as she turned around to face Brianna and the older woman quickly noticed the anxiety in her eyes.

“Sweetheart, did I say something wrong? “

“No, not really, I just.. Maybe you don't want me to be in that picture anymore if I choose to get an abortion? “

“What? “ Brianna frowned. “Aquaria, darling, I'm sorry if I scared you with my whole story... I mean, we hardly know each other if we think about it.. But in my mind it's you I picture myself with”

Aquaria didn't say a word. She felt scared again, just as scared as she had felt when sitting in the bathroom with the test in her hand.

“Darling, listen. We don't have to rush anything, and if I never have kids, it doesn't matter to me. The only thing that really matters now is you, and only you. And if you're not ready to have a baby, that's absolutely okay. You're young and you probably already have your future all planned out. I'll just be happy if you let me be a part of it”

Their lips smashed together and the sudden kiss took Briannas breath away. She felt Aquaria hands find their way around her waist, slowly teasing the hem of Briannas underwear. She wanted to stop Aquaria before it went any further, but her whole body had already surrendered itself to the young girl, as her hands made her whole skin feel like it was on fire.

But just as fast as it began, it stopped and Brianna opened her eyes when she heard Aquaria hiss due to pain. She quickly remembered the cuts covering her girlfriends legs and as their eyes met, Aquaria was close to tears again. Brianna placed a gentle kiss on her forehead which seemed to calm her down.

“Darling, let's sleep for a bit, yes? We need some rest before we make a call to the doctor for an appointment, so you really need some rest. You're pale as a ghost you know”

“Well, I kinda feel like one as well.. “ Aquaria replied with a small chuckle.

These two days had been nothing but chaos but they were still side by side, they were still together and as they cuddled close and Briannas arms embraced Aquaria, the young girl felt hopeful for the first time in a long time. She knew it would be tough, but at least she knew she had Brianna by her side and that her mother was okay with their relationship, which meant the world to Aquaria.

But then the anxiety slowly began to scratch in her throat...

What the hell should Aquaria tell her friends?

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update has taken to long, I know and I'm sorry but the writers block is kicking my ass right now so this was what I managed to put together. Hopefully someone still reads this story and if so, thanks!

Later in the afternoon, Aquaria finally unlocked her phone to go over her texts. She had been absolutely bombarded with messages, but the only ones she actually cared about was those from Monet and Blair. The others just wanted to hear the tea, and the last thing Aquaria wanted was to be the gossip subject in town. Even if she knew she already was.

**B** girl, you okay?

**B :** aqua, you're scaring me! I can't remember you ever being this off before... What's going on?

**B:** where did you go after the party? What happened? People saw you with some dude and then you just disappeared?

Aquarias stomach churned after reading that last sentence. Of course people had seen her with that scumbag, which meant they were probably gossiping about her as well.  _ Life is so fucking great isn't it? _

**B:** aqua please. Just answer me. Anything. Just to make me know you're okay?

**A:** I'm home. I'll call you later and explain. Now I just need some alone time. Hope you understand. Xoxo

It didn't take more than half a minute before her phone pinged again.

**B :** I'm just relieved that you're safe. Talk to you later then. I love you. Xoxo

**M** : girl! Blair called me and the bitch almost cried. What the actual fuck is going on?

**M** : don't give me the cold shoulder Aqua, okay? Just give me a fucking reply. And if you don't give me a answer soon, I'm will come over and I just pray to dear old Jesus I won't walk in on you and Ms. B

Aquaria couldn't help but chuckle. So typical of Monet to be shady in such a manner like that.

**A** : I'm fine, calm down. It's just a bit complicated… but I promise I'll tell you everything as soon as I can.

**M** : I fucking hope you do. Love you bitch.

Brianna opened her eyes and noticed Aquaria was awake, sitting on the side of the bed, with her legs completely bare. Brianna didn't know if it was a good thing or not, that Aquaria had the courage to show her cuts, but Brianna didn't ask. Instead she carefully sat up as well, and let her fingertips dance over Aquarias neck.

The sudden touch made Aquaria let out a small moan and she slowly cocked her head to the side, making it easier for Brianna to kiss every inch of her neck, and Brianna didn't hesitate for a second to make that happen.

She was happy Aquaria seemed to be in such a good mood for a change, especially since these last couple of days had been so hard on her. Then again, it had been hard on the both of them.

“mmmm.. “ Aquaria breathed out as Briannas lips made contact with her skin and she shivered when she felt Briannas hands find their way around her waist. Aquaria knew she was completely naked, if you didn't count her red thongs, but she didn't care. She didn't care she was exposed like this, because she didn't see any reason any more to cover her scarred and disgusting legs, since Brianna didn't seem to really care about them anymore. Or well, Aquaria knew she did, but she didn't say anything about them, which made her relax, and made her feel almost hopeful about, well, everything.

“I've missed you” Brianna whispered, before she continued to kiss Aquaria down her neck, and down to her shoulders. It sent another shiver through Aquarias whole body.

The young girl almost felt like a new person, as if the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. Her hands found Briannas, and she placed them on her hips, to show her girlfriend exactly where she wanted them to be, without saying it out loud. She didn't need to tough, because Brianna heard the unspoken words.

It didn't take long before Briannas fingertips danced on the inside of Aquarias thighs, and teased the fabric of the young girls thong. Aquaria bit her lip, trying to hold back a moan, but her whole body was on fire as she pressed herself against Brianna, begging her to stop teasing her.

“I've really missed you, baby girl “ Brianna said, and the tone in her voice was so dark and so damn seductive, that it made Aquaria want this so much more. The older woman noticed it and pulled her closer, and aquaria placed her legs on top of hers, and quickly dropped her thongs to the floor, which brought a smile to Briannas lips.

“I've missed you too… “ Aquaria managed to say, before her breathing hitched, as one of Briannas fingers brushed against her sensitive sex.

“You're so wet for me, aren't you? “ Brianna mumbled, before she let her teeth mark the soft skin of Aquarias neck, a spot that had become Briannas favorite spot on Aquarias body. The young girl moaned again, and it encouraged Brianna to continue, but she didn't. She instead laid her head on Aquarias shoulder and let out a small sigh. She was still fragile and the last thing Brianna wanted was to break her completely.

“Is something wrong Bri? “ Aquaria asked anxiously. She felt her mind begin to spin, and she carefully untangled herself from Briannas arms and pulled the blanket over herself. Confused eyes met worried ones and Brianna took one of Aquarias hands in hers.

“How are you? “

The question had been asked before, but in the same time, it felt like it was the first time it was asked like this. How was that? Aquaria shrugged.

“I don't know..”

And she really didn't. She hit her lip and pulled her legs up to her chin, a bit annoyed that Brianna had killed the mood with asking her questions she didn't really want to answer. Why couldn't she just be able to be a teenager without problems? But then again, she was laying in bed with her teacher which was a problem as well, but compared to her pregnancy, it felt rather insignificant.

“Don't shut me out Aquaria, please “

“I don't want to have this conversation, okay? Can we just.. Can we just not talk about this… fucking thing growing inside of me?! “

“Alright alright, calm down, we don't have to, at least right now but you can't ignore this for to long because.. “

Aquaria quickly cut her off.

“STOP! JUST. SHUT UP” the fear had turned into anger once again but just as quickly it became fear again as Aquaria broke down in tears. Brianna embraced her and began to rock her back and forth, without saying a word. The room was tense but she didn't care. The only thing Brianna cared about was that Aquaria was there and not locked away in some bathroom with a razor.

But even if Brianna was relived that she was able to comfort Aquaria, she felt worried. Anxious. She knew she was risking her whole life by having this relationship and she was worried Aquaria wasn't ready to take a decision about what to do about the baby. Brianna knew her life would be so much simpler if she ended this relationship right now, but she also knew how empty her life would be once again by doing so. Her demons were laughing at her and she felt such a urge after the alcohol bottles in the kitchen, when she suddenly felt Aquarias hand squeeze one of her arms.

“I love you Bri… I love you. Please don't leave me.. I can't do this without you.. Please”

Aquarias voice was shaking and it didn't take long before her whole body began to shake as well.

“I'm here baby, I promise. Don't worry. I'm here”

But was Brianna really there? It felt like her mind was all over the place right now. And it wasn't a good sign.

It was a bad fucking sign. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a warning in advance because this chapter kinda drips of anxiety but I promise the next one will be a bit happier and fluffy. But that's for the next one. Here you have the angsty one. Hope you'll enjoy!
> 
> And hey, thanks for the sweet comments on the previous chapter. They made me so happy because I didn't even think anyone read this story so yeah, thank you guys so much :)

The next few days that followed, sent Brianna into autopilot mode. She did her job but was absent and didn't talk very much with her colleagues. Nobody didn't really seem to notice. Except for Aquaria that was, so after class ended one day, she asked if she could speak with her teacher in private. The gossip about Aquaria was already, but she had learned to ignore all the looks and whispers. Aquaria was just relieved that Blair was the only one at school who knew her biggest secret and thankful that Blair kept it to herself.

Unfortunately some other of Aquarias friends had begun to wonder what kind of relationship Aquaria really had with their teacher, so doing something like this, asking to speak with Brianna in private could draw unnecessary attention to them , but Aquaria didn't really care. The only thing she actually wanted to do, was to kiss her girlfriend and get some kind of reaction from her, something Aquaria hadn't gotten for what felt like forever. This week had been like walking through a fucking thick fog.

“Was there something you wished to speak with me about, hm? “ Brianna asked with a stern tone in her voice.

Aquaria rolled her eyes, had a quick look over her shoulder to make sure the coast was clear, before literally attacking Briannas lips with her own. The kiss took the older woman totally by surprise, but she surrendered her whole body to the girl and Aquaria’s kisses became more and more aggressive as she pinned Brianna up against the wall. She had missed the taste of Brianna and it was almost intoxicating to her, and her whole mind began to spin. A sudden knock on the door pulled Aquaria back to reality and she bolted backwards, while trying to get her breathing under control.

“I'm busy at the moment ! “ Brianna replied, and once again she was back in autopilot mode. Aquaria sighed and sat down on the desk, while anxiously studying her girlfriend. She saw how tense she really was and it broke her heart to see it up close. It broke Aquaria's heart even more knowing it was because of her Brianna was like this. So even if what Aquaria was about to do, would break what little spirit she had, it would be for the best. At least in the end. Someday? Aquaria had been telling herself that whole morning simply to find the courage to do this. But it would still hurt like fucking hell.

“Bri, please. Look at me “

“what is it Aquaria? I don't have time for this. Not now anyway. Especially not  _ here _ . “ Brianna replied, and the way she said it, sounding almost like a robot, it rubbed Aquaria the wrong way. Her emotions went from sadness to anger in a second.

“Don't fucking talk to me like I'm some random student” Aquaria growled as she stood up and took a step towards Brianna. “But maybe that's how you want me to be, hm? “

“what on earth are you talking about ? “

“You haven't wanted to see me for over a week now Bri, or replied to my texts, without given me any actual reason behind it but do you know what.. and it has made me realize something. Something quite big you know”

Suddenly Brianna couldn't breathe.

“I remember your promise Bri, that you made me that day but when I actually let you inside my walls, and reveled my darkest secrets, you turn your fucking back on me? So.. “ Aquaria bit her lip and took a deep breath before adding “I'm breaking up with you Bri. “

_________

“Are you really sure about this? “ Blair asked carefully when she and Aquaria sat down in the wait room. Aquaria shrugged, her whole face pale out of sheer panic so Blair quickly reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Aquaria was terrified but she knew this was the right decision, to get an abortion. But she wished Brianna had been here by her side, kissing away the tears that threatened to spill over in any given second. But Brianna wasn't there and almost a month had passed since they had last spoken with each other. Brianna had sent her texts every day but she had never responded.

Aquaria had never felt more lonely than she had done over this past month, but she was so incredibly thankful Blair had been by her side day as night. So it had felt like such a relief when Blair had offered to go with her today, along with Aquarias mother.

Sharon tried her best to keep her temper under control, only for Aquarias sake but the young girl knew that her mother was everything but okay with this situation. She noticed how her mothers face twitched now and then, noticed how she mumbled things about Brianna under her breath and aquaria also knew how much Sharon wanted to go over to Brianna and give her a piece of her mind. But she didn't. And Aquaria was thankful for it. This was already overwhelming as it was.

“does you know.. Ehm,  **_she_ ** know about this appointment… ? “ Blair asked, desperately trying to get her friend to talk about this but the last thing Blair wanted, was to anger Sharon so she almost whispered the question.

“Bri doesn't know, and I know you guys have your..  _ Opinions _ about her but I'm gonna tell her.. One day “

Sharon snorted and the loud sound made the two teenage girls almost jump out of their chairs.

“and why the hell would you give her even the slightest of attention after the way she treated you, Aquaria ?! “Sharon said through gritted teeth, and added “besides, that  **bitch** should consider herself lucky I haven't reported her to the school board in the first place! “

“mom, please.. Not here. “ Aquaria shot back. She was to tired for this conversation, even if she completely understood what her mother was trying to say. “but I still think Brianna deserves to know about this because she saved me… that night”

Simply thinking about the rape made Aquaria anxious and she took a deep breath to try to calm herself down even if to was useless so instead she stood to her feet and left for the bathroom without so much as a word.

_ I miss you Bri  _ aquaria thought to herself as she met her reflection in the mirror. She missed everything about Brianna. Her eyes, her smile, her touch.. Even her fucking smell. But it was pointless. It was over. Their story was over before it even had the chance to start and it made Aquaria break down in tears. Maybe she had been to hard on Brianna? She hadn't really given her a chance to talk, now had she? And there had to be some reason Aquaria hadn't been able to delete all of Briannas messages? The young girls mind began to spin.

**Bri :** Aquaria please, give me a chance to explain myself please?

**Bri** : I love u. Sweetheart, pick up the phone. Let me explain…

**Bri** : I wanted to talk about this eye to eye but I guess you don't give me any other choice than to write it here so I'll do it. I love you. I love you with all my heart and I don't have any excuse for my behavior these past couple off days. I guess I have been stuck in my own head and  it has driven myself crazy, in loss for better words. But that's on me. And only me. It doesn't change what I feel about you, about us. I still love you and I will stay true to my words. I'm sorry that you thought otherwise because I did, well, that thing I always tell u not do do. I didn't let you inside my walls when I should have. Baby I'm sorry.

Aquaria sunk down on the floor and dried her eyes. The anxiety was scratching underneath her skin and she banged her head against the wall. Had she been selfish by breaking up with Brianna? It made less and less sense to why she she had thought breaking up with her had been the best idea. Now it felt like it had been the worst decision she'd ever taken. Hadn't aquaria actually done what she'd always did when life became scary or hard, which was run away?

_ I guess I fucked up again? _

_ __________ _

Brianna had given in to her demons after Aquaria broke up with her and began drinking again. She still managed to keep her facade up and handled her job without any bigger problems, so it was kept under control, or at least for now. People wouldn't see it like that though, if they saw all the vodka bottles that laid scattered all over Briannas bedroom floor. But nobody would ever see it, nobody would never be allowed to see exactly how broken Brianna really was. Except for Aquaria that was but she didn't want Brianna in her life anymore. She had made that perfectly clear even if Brianna didn't want to admit that to herself. Not just yet even if almost a month off complete silence had passed.

A sigh escaped Briannas lips when she finally came home and was able to lock the door, and hide from the real world once again. She could stop smiling and let her happy go lucky mask fall to the floor and drown her sadness in vodka, just as the day before. And they day before that. And the day before that. Briannas life felt like a bad movie that played on repeat and it was driving her mad. So mad that she had begun to look for work somewhere else since having Aquaria this close was beginning to take a huge toll on her.

Suddenly her phone pinged and the sound made her snap out of her cloud of endless overthinking.

**A:** i was an idiot wasn't I?

**Bri** : well, in that case, I was one to.

**Bri** . I miss you.

Aquaria smiled. She didn't think Brianna would even reply.

**A** : you're not the biggest one at least. I am.

**Bri** : how so?

**A** : I'm at the abortion clinic without you.

Brianna gasped and quickly called aquaria. This wasn't a subject for a text. She only hoped she would pick up.

“Ehm hi “ Aquaria said.

“baby, are you OK? Do you want me to come there? Are you alone? “

Before aquaria had a chance to reply, she heard a knock on the door, followed by a worried question.

“aqua, are u okay? You've been in there some time and it's you know, your turn soon “

“I'm okay Blair, I'll be out in a minute. “

“I guess that answers my question “ Brianna said with a sigh.

“Well, I guess it does.. “ Aquaria replied with even a bigger sigh. “I'm actually scared to death… I don't know if I'm able to go through with this Bri.. I'm so… Scared”

Once again Aquaria broke down in tears and that sound broke Brianna's heart.

“sweetheart, I'll come there okay? I don't care about this huge misunderstanding between us, okay? I just want to be by your side.. I still love you sweetheart, don't forget that”

“As much as I wish you were here, I don't think it would be a good idea.. To be honest I just wanted to… nevermind”

Briannas eyebrows furrowed. What did aquaria actually want to say? She quickly shook her head and decided not to ask about that. Instead she asked another question.

“Don't you want me to come because Blair is there? “

“Oh no, she's not the problem. My mom on the other hand.. She's here too and she's not your biggest fan at the moment. “

“I see.. “ Brianna replied, a bit upset even if she didn't say anything about that either. Her mixed feelings didn't go unnoticed by Aquaria though, they never did. Unfortunately she didn't have a chance to say anything about it as a knock once again interrupted her.

“Aquaria, it's your turn. Come now. “ Sharon's said in a harsh tone even if Aquaria heard the anxiety in her mother's voice. She was maybe a different kind of parent but Aquaria wouldn't change a thing about her. She let her live her life and even if that sadly was one of the reasons aquaria had ended up in this situation to begin with, she still wouldn't want to change a thing about that either.

“It's my turn Bri.. I have to hang up… “

“It will be okay sweetie. I promise. You're so incredibly strong and it's gonna be okay, I promise. “

“okay “

“I love you “

“I love you too “ Aquaria replied before she hung up.

_______

When aquaria came home, she collapsed on her bed. She didn't even remember what had happened at the doctor's, not even if she tried to. It was like her own mind wanted to protect her from the experience and she was completely drained of energy. Blair had insisted on going home with Aquaria, and Sharon had let her, simply to keep an eye on her daughter until she came home again . Sharon had been able to move around plenty of appointments to be able to stay home this month with her daughter but this weekend had been impossible to reschedule.

“I'll be downstairs if you need me Aqua, okay? “ Blair said as she leant against the doorframe. “so if you need anything, just me me know. Even if it's for a hug“

When the door closed, Aquaria rolled over on her back and reached for her phone. Brianna had sent her a few messages, which felt good in some odd way.

**Bri** : are you home yet? Do you want me do come over?

**Bri** : I can handle your mother. I just want to hold you in my arms again.

**A** : hey… I just came home. I think it went okay. I really can't remember anything to be honest.. I'm so tired.

**Bri** . Aw my poor baby.

**A** : if you want to come over, my mom isn't home. It's just me and Blair. But I don't know if I'm such good company at the moment. I'm sleepy. And I feel kinda.. Empty.

Brianna was at Aquarias house five minutes later. Blair actually looked happy about seeing her, as she offered her a timid smile before let her inside. Brianna nodded at her and went upstairs where she found Aquaria passed out on the bed. She laid on top of her blankets, wearing nothing but a tank top and boxers and the sight of all the new scars on her legs knocked the air out of Briannas lungs.

“My poor baby “ Brianna said to herself as she laid down on the bed, behind Aquaria and carefully put her arms around the young girl. She began to stir in her sleep and Aquarias eyes fluttered open seconds later. And as their eyes met, Aquarias lips formed into a smile. But the smile quickly faded.

“you're really not here now are you? “ she asked and Brianna's grip around her tightened and that small move brought back the smile to Aquarias face, and Aquaria nuzzled as close as she could, making sure to take a deep inhale of Briannas Perfume.  She had never actually liked this scent in particular before, but now, when Brianna was closer than she'd been a such long time, she couldn't get enough of it. Aquaria felt her whole body relax again and she knew this was exactly where she was supposed to be.

_______

Nobody knew how long they slept but it was dark outside when Aquaria and Brianna finally woke up again, still with their arms tangled around each other's bodies,

“you're.. You're still here” Aquaria said with a small smile and Brianna nodded, before she pressed a gentle kiss to those lips she never thought she would be able to kiss again. When they parted though, Aquaria had a confused look on her face. It was a look Brianna had never seen before.

“Bri, why do you taste like vodka? “

Brianna froze.

“Have you been drinking? “

The older woman sighed. She knew there was no point in lying even if she wanted to. But she knew that if she did, Aquaria would most likely never want to see her again.

“I have.. “

The reply was short and the tone in Brianna’s voice sharp as a knife. It was the truth and it was brutal to say the least.

Aquaria saw how close Brianna was to a complete mental breakdown so she knew she couldn't be angry with her. Besides, if she would be, Brianna could throw in her face that she'd seen Aquarias fresh cuts and that would lead to a fight. A fight neither of them actually wanted or had the energy for. So instead Aquaria took Briannas hands in hers and pressed gentle kisses to her knuckles and concerned eyes met terrified ones.

“For how long? “

The tone in Aquarias voice was neutral.

“since the day you broke up with me. “ Brianna replied, then added “but it's not your fault. I simply gave up. I just.. I didn't see the point with anything anymore when I lost you.. “

They sat in complete silence for a while, not sure of what to say. The room felt tense and uncomfortable but neither of them moved. They sat like frozen on Aquarias bed, holding each other's hands like their lives depended on it. But finally, after what felt like a hour, Brianna broke the silence.

“I thought you would be angry about my drinking… “

“I don't have any right to be angry with you. “ Aquaria shrugged. “besides, I know you saw my new cuts when you came earlier. Shouldn't you be angry with me for having them? “

Brianna shook her head.

“and I don't want to fight, not when you're finally here with me again… “ Aquarias voice broke and she didn't like to be this vulnerable. She didn't feel comfortable with it. After this month without Brianna, the young girl had begun to put up her walls again, to protect herself, which meant she didn't even want Brianna that close. But now she was cornered, not really having a choice, and the walls were weak, and about to collapse again. Aquarias mind began to spin, but on the outside she looked calm and collected, even if she was everything but just that.

“Do we have a chance sweetheart or are this the last time I will be able to touch you? “ Brianna asked and Aquaria straddled the older women's lap, and put her hands on each side of Briannas face, while looking directly into her eyes.

“I will never let you go again “ 

  
  
  
  



End file.
